I wanna hear some thoughts and suggestions on my story
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Well, I gave it a try. Few impressions so far (I've not made it to the end yet)
- Love the irony and comical parts mostly
- 2nd person perspective is... dubious choice. Would be interesting for a VN, but in reading a story it feels like trying to force it as something more personal while at the same time taking away control over it. 1st person perspective would be better.
- The personal file reading was too brief and too vague. I guess this is the consequence of 2nd person perspective, but then why putting drug dealing in? That made me really disappointed. With angel personality being already shown to us as something unique, the reader expects more personal reaction and some more humor at this part.
- The pacing at purgatory is too fast, and all the CAPITALS do not help.
That's my impression at first pages. Don't know if I'll read more, the drug dealing part in combination with 2nd person perspective repulsed me a lot, to be honest.
"Please don't tap on the glass. Penguins can see and hear you alright. They just don't care."
late response, but the reason for the pacing was for an English assignment, and the last stretch was rather rushed in my opinion
As for the 2nd Perspective, I did that as if we were the observer of the situation
The drug dealing thing was added as a way to at least give a reason why they are in limbo
Ty for reading, taking your time finishing up the entire story and give your final thoughts please
I think this is a pretty good story, but like with the other guy, I don't like the story told in the second person. I really love the fact that the Angel took the form of a bear though. I would like to read more, like would there be a sequel?
