advice and feedback for my script? (accepting anything harsh)

[Lilliangracefull2]

(F)Marisa: wakes up in the early morning in night gown (BFI CTN)

(F)Marisa: changing her clothes to her school outfit looking up in the bathroom mirror smiling then changing to a confused face

(F)Marisa: "something feels off... but I'm not sick or anything... maybe it's my hair?" 

mom: Marisa! Knocking3x "c'mon hurry up!"

(F)Marisa: "ok mom!" brushes her teeth & hair & gets her shoes on (CTN)

Teacher: "do you know the answer Marisa?"

(F)Marisa: sitting in classroom paitently on the left waving her hand "yes! it's 16!"

Teacher: "correct! now class, I want to remind you tomorrow will be tough than usual..."her voice fades out

(F)Marisa: sees the other students looking judgingly. looks to her right to the window and sees a girl who looks just like her with long messy hair and a cheap church outfit looking back at her. she gazes surprised and interested "was that me?" Whispering to herself (CTN)

TITLE: who's Marisa (white text black screen)

context: CTN = cut to next BFI = black fade in BFO = black fade out WFI = white fade in WFO = white fade out FT = fade through :)

it’s supposed to be a kinda trippy phycological horror close to “a trail of blood” “Emesis blue” and or “layers of terror.” I’m not actually planning to make this a story soon, probably gonna finish after i finish some more other projects as practice writing. completely ok with long harsh specific advice, totally fine! :D

thanks for reading <3

[ArGxITA]

Seems very all over the place and it's really short to make any comments on the story, i found a guide on scripting maybe you'll want to check it out

https://www.cryptodingo.com/how-to-spec-script

[charles122]

At 5/26/23 09:54 PM, Lilliangracefull2 wrote: (F)Marisa: wakes up in the early morning in night gown (BFI CTN)

(F)Marisa: changing her clothes to her school outfit looking up in the bathroom mirror smiling then changing to a confused face
(F)Marisa: "something feels off... but I'm not sick or anything... maybe it's my hair?" 
mom: Marisa! Knocking3x "c'mon hurry up!"
(F)Marisa: "ok mom!" brushes her teeth & hair & gets her shoes on (CTN)

Teacher: "do you know the answer Marisa?"
(F)Marisa: sitting in classroom paitently on the left waving her hand "yes! it's 16!"
Teacher: "correct! now class, I want to remind you tomorrow will be tough than usual..."her voice fades out
(F)Marisa: sees the other students looking judgingly. looks to her right to the window and sees a girl who looks just like her with long messy hair and a cheap church outfit looking back at her. she gazes surprised and interested "was that me?" Whispering to herself (CTN)

TITLE: who's Marisa (white text black screen)

context: CTN = cut to next BFI = black fade in BFO = black fade out WFI = white fade in WFO = white fade out FT = fade through :)

it’s supposed to be a kinda trippy phycological horror close to “a trail of blood” “Emesis blue” and or “layers of terror.” I’m not actually planning to make this a story soon, probably gonna finish after i finish some more other projects as practice writing. completely ok with long harsh specific advice, totally fine! :D

thanks for reading <3

Your information is useful. And i think you have to check the script of the users which he has commented. Thanks.

[Lilliangracefull2]

danke! Looks neat!