At 4/11/22 01:44 AM, anymany wrote: I actually feel really bad rambling about my self. I never want to make stuff about myself. I want this account to mostly be a jokes and goofs
Fart n' cock jokes bc it's one of the things keeping me sane
But I'm doing very badly mentally

My job stability and the future of my career is very unstable and for the past month I've been stretching myself thing beyond what i should be capable of, all in an attempt to make a good living and finally moving out, getting money to travel to japan (i've already paid for the trip), saving money so that i could spoil myself but this has all come crashing down in a horrible way

I'm burned out in a couple of ways, i have serious workplace burnout, every day i keep caring less and less about my job and it's starting to show. ppl would regard me as a hard worker and the one who knew everything and the one people could trust with keeping stuff under control, but lately i've been catching my self slacking and i can't help but feel like I'm disappointing those around me, my colleagues and co-workers. the last thing I want to feel like is "useless" which nowadays creeps into my mind on a regular basis. I went from working 100 hrs weeks to 10-30 hours and struggling

every work morning I wake up dreading it, thinking about crashing into the railing of the highways, driving off the bridges, spacing out, and tearing up. Today during work was really rough, I was announcing winners, at the end of the second round, i had to go to the backroom Bc i could feel a deep sensation of dread in my chest and I just broke down crying, i felt utterly humiliated that i couldn't handle my emotions. it the second time in a week.

I'm scared of the vibrations of my phone, they give me a sense of dread, i look down at the notification, its a notification of a mobile game and i feel stupid for living in fear of a stupid vibration.

i try to take my mind off of things by playing games and scrolling though social media but it just ends up souring my experience and makes me not want to do it again.

doors opening, people being behind me, email notification, footsteps, my name being called, eye contact, ppl being to close to my mouth, the sound of automatic locks unlocking, question. all these stuff i have become scared of and very sensitive of. and it hurts, it's tiring to live in fear all the fucking time. i never put both earbuds in, being completely surrounded by anything but the real world scares me bc i feel a need to be constantly vigilant about it

My eating habits are shit, most day I only eat one meal, not bc i dont get hungry, I constantly am, but i now HATE people seeing me getting food, not eating it, just getting it or preparing it, and when i do eat, it's unhealthy, tons of carbs and fats, few protein, saturated fats, etc. thankfully my job keeps me active enough to burn this off but it's not an excuse.

I'm pretty sure that I'm in the autistic spectrum, I check so many symptoms of autistic burnout, and when i think back, a lot of the thigs i did as a child, can be described very well with autism. and that's the issue, someone with autism needs to spend more energy, just to seem normal and by most standards, i've behaved pretty normally but i would always be tired, even if i got a good nights sleep multiple times, and now i feel like i know why, but at the same time, i worked all those long hours and it got to the point when i just burned out

not only that but I'm also trying to explore gender n' shit with a family that openly talks about how shameless one of my childhood neighbors is for crossdressing. my mom HATES my long hair, I've been scolded for painting my nails before and my dad told me to never get earing bc "they'll make you look like a faggot". the idea of my any of those pictures making my way onto my family's eyes MORTIFIES me and so i just stay in the closet, day dreaming.... until " hey [anymany], can you go get the pallets for the events please", "sure thing, is there a pallet jack nearby or do i need to get one from the warehouse?"

I'm 20 years old and I'm not beginning training on a managerial position. a probably autistic 20 y/o closeted college dropout is training for a managerial position in a multi-million dollar company while burned out, if you think that's crazy, that's because it is , and it's putting me in so much stress and making me really struggle....struggle so fucking much. people tell me that i have so much to live and that I'm still just a kid, but it doesn't really help me.

and i feel bad bc people really do try to help me but i don't feel like it's working, and i dont want to be a prick about it

I'm just so tired, tired all the time, i carry and energy drink with me everywhere bc sometimes i feel like if i dont drink it i will genuinely fall asleep right then and there, which has happed. I hate sleeping bc i know that when I wake up, I'll be just as tired if not more than when i woke up

And although i do have friends, close ones who do care about me, i can't help but feel like right now, I'm all I have and the though of that just..... makes me an emotional mess....I'm a mess that only I can clean up, but it's hard to make the floors shiny with a mop made out of shit saturated strands and piss as the only water

I look in the mirror in the morning and i just.... i can't. i think about my life and i think about myself and it just ruins my day

I'm actually struggling..... so much

At 4/13/22 04:12 PM, anymany wrote:

At 4/13/22 03:27 PM, SpermFactoty wrote:

At 4/10/22 11:23 PM, anymany wrote:

Before I read this thread, just by the title I was 100% certain that this involved you trying to stick your cock inside yourself again. I guess I was wrong

.....FUCK. FUCKING SHIT, that would have been so much funnier....mother fucking shit

At 4/13/22 08:13 PM, SpermFactoty wrote:

At 4/13/22 04:12 PM, anymany wrote:

At 4/13/22 03:27 PM, SpermFactoty wrote:

At 4/10/22 11:23 PM, anymany wrote:

Before I read this thread, just by the title I was 100% certain that this involved you trying to stick your cock inside yourself again. I guess I was wrong

.....FUCK. FUCKING SHIT, that would have been so much funnier....mother fucking shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KFPfhE_FpI

At 4/13/22 07:44 PM, Colilite wrote:

At 4/11/22 01:44 AM, anymany wrote: I actually feel really bad rambling about my self. I never want to make stuff about myself. I want this account to mostly be a jokes and goofs
Fart n' cock jokes bc it's one of the things keeping me sane
But I'm doing very badly mentally

My job stability and the future of my career is very unstable and for the past month I've been stretching myself thing beyond what i should be capable of, all in an attempt to make a good living and finally moving out, getting money to travel to japan (i've already paid for the trip), saving money so that i could spoil myself but this has all come crashing down in a horrible way

I'm burned out in a couple of ways, i have serious workplace burnout, every day i keep caring less and less about my job and it's starting to show. ppl would regard me as a hard worker and the one who knew everything and the one people could trust with keeping stuff under control, but lately i've been catching my self slacking and i can't help but feel like I'm disappointing those around me, my colleagues and co-workers. the last thing I want to feel like is "useless" which nowadays creeps into my mind on a regular basis. I went from working 100 hrs weeks to 10-30 hours and struggling

every work morning I wake up dreading it, thinking about crashing into the railing of the highways, driving off the bridges, spacing out, and tearing up. Today during work was really rough, I was announcing winners, at the end of the second round, i had to go to the backroom Bc i could feel a deep sensation of dread in my chest and I just broke down crying, i felt utterly humiliated that i couldn't handle my emotions. it the second time in a week.

I'm scared of the vibrations of my phone, they give me a sense of dread, i look down at the notification, its a notification of a mobile game and i feel stupid for living in fear of a stupid vibration.

i try to take my mind off of things by playing games and scrolling though social media but it just ends up souring my experience and makes me not want to do it again.

doors opening, people being behind me, email notification, footsteps, my name being called, eye contact, ppl being to close to my mouth, the sound of automatic locks unlocking, question. all these stuff i have become scared of and very sensitive of. and it hurts, it's tiring to live in fear all the fucking time. i never put both earbuds in, being completely surrounded by anything but the real world scares me bc i feel a need to be constantly vigilant about it

My eating habits are shit, most day I only eat one meal, not bc i dont get hungry, I constantly am, but i now HATE people seeing me getting food, not eating it, just getting it or preparing it, and when i do eat, it's unhealthy, tons of carbs and fats, few protein, saturated fats, etc. thankfully my job keeps me active enough to burn this off but it's not an excuse.

I'm pretty sure that I'm in the autistic spectrum, I check so many symptoms of autistic burnout, and when i think back, a lot of the thigs i did as a child, can be described very well with autism. and that's the issue, someone with autism needs to spend more energy, just to seem normal and by most standards, i've behaved pretty normally but i would always be tired, even if i got a good nights sleep multiple times, and now i feel like i know why, but at the same time, i worked all those long hours and it got to the point when i just burned out

not only that but I'm also trying to explore gender n' shit with a family that openly talks about how shameless one of my childhood neighbors is for crossdressing. my mom HATES my long hair, I've been scolded for painting my nails before and my dad told me to never get earing bc "they'll make you look like a faggot". the idea of my any of those pictures making my way onto my family's eyes MORTIFIES me and so i just stay in the closet, day dreaming.... until " hey [anymany], can you go get the pallets for the events please", "sure thing, is there a pallet jack nearby or do i need to get one from the warehouse?"

I'm 20 years old and I'm not beginning training on a managerial position. a probably autistic 20 y/o closeted college dropout is training for a managerial position in a multi-million dollar company while burned out, if you think that's crazy, that's because it is , and it's putting me in so much stress and making me really struggle....struggle so fucking much. people tell me that i have so much to live and that I'm still just a kid, but it doesn't really help me.

and i feel bad bc people really do try to help me but i don't feel like it's working, and i dont want to be a prick about it

I'm just so tired, tired all the time, i carry and energy drink with me everywhere bc sometimes i feel like if i dont drink it i will genuinely fall asleep right then and there, which has happed. I hate sleeping bc i know that when I wake up, I'll be just as tired if not more than when i woke up

And although i do have friends, close ones who do care about me, i can't help but feel like right now, I'm all I have and the though of that just..... makes me an emotional mess....I'm a mess that only I can clean up, but it's hard to make the floors shiny with a mop made out of shit saturated strands and piss as the only water

I look in the mirror in the morning and i just.... i can't. i think about my life and i think about myself and it just ruins my day

I'm actually struggling..... so much

That's rough, I've felt that where the color just kind of drains out of life over time sometimes. It gets better but its like a rollercoaster with ups and downs, I hope things give a good turnout to you and that all your efforts pay off big, you're a fighter.