At 4/4/22 10:07 PM, TheJayJay wrote:

How are you sleeping lately?

At 4/4/22 09:46 PM, YonusBahtzee wrote:

The best kind. I had an ulcer once, the tale was in the poo. Always listen to what your poo is telling you!

I dig it

You said "was"....how are things going now?

Past life? A long story.

Current life? Doing fantastic!

At 4/4/22 09:25 PM, PudgieDaFrog wrote:

Now I have passive suicidal ideations (suicidal thoughts that you will not plan to act on) Life has not treated me well but where I'm at is at least a little better than where I was before. Soon my mom and I will be moving and I hopefully won't have to deal with their bullshit anymore

That's rough. I've been there with the passive SI. It still creeps up every now and then when I am very stressed, but as I've gotten older and learned to cut out the people/things in my life that are not healthy for me, I've seen a lot fo improvement.

It's hard when you are young and struggling because there's not much you can do to change your environment. Kids just kind of have to follow their parents around for a while, for better or for worse. We do not get to choose the family we are born into.

It seems very far away when we're young but your living situation is temporary. Getting away won't fix everything, there will be a lot of emotional and mental work on your part to feel better, but it will be a start. Going out into the world and finding your tribe is a wonderful thing.

What kind of pain are you feeling?

At 4/4/22 05:31 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:

If you or someone you care about is worried about taking drugs fro treatment, consider seeking out a therapist specializing in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It doesn't work for everyone, but for me it was a good alternative to medical intervention.

I think we all feel a little lost sometimes.

I had a dream last night where I, a fully grown man, beat up my kid's bully, a literal child. I woke up feeling so refreshed lol

Rent is expensive, food is expensive. Almost every institution in the US is financially predatory to the point where something as simple as a stable future is far from assured in "the greatest country in the world". I've had a tough life growing up in poverty, then getting into drugs. Cleaned up my act and joined the military, but that certainly wasn't an easy life. Now I'm a university student that can't relate well to 18 year olds in class, and can't relate well to other veterans either. I moved to a new state, so I'm trying to juggle between work, school, my relationship, and trying to build an entirely new social life.

Its also been winter for almost six damn months. Fuck Michigan. It ain't easy out here.

What's up?

Any kind of relationship takes work from both parties to make it strong, and unfortunately most people are around for a good time, not a long time. But they're out there.

I love getting dreams like that lol. Mine started out sort of weird, I went to the doctor and shit was wacky af. They had me do a urine test and that's how I somehow got diagnosed with cancer.

Fucking rollercoaster.

I feel that. I didn't post anything for the first 12 years or so I was on the site. But I found some courage and started in my meatspace life I participated in a live poetry reading, among other things. The coolest part was just being around other creative people and seeing it was okay to put yourself out there. It's never too late!

Oy vey!

Yeh tell me about it. How was today?

All I remember from my childhood is my dads pizzeria

Dude, I get it. I'm from the midwest too, and I joined the military when I was 18. I got out when I was 26...new state, started college and had a hard time relating just like you. I didn't like hanging with other vets for the most part because one of the reasons I left the military was because I hated the culture. So I'm 26, some of my classes are dual-enrollment so some of my classmates are 16-year-olds. I felt pretty isolated for a while. But I kept at it, did the things I loved and went to places I liked to go until I started becoming a familiar face. After a while I got a good reputation and things just kind of took off from there. I really hope you find that peace, I know I was so desperate for it after I got out of the military. Took me a while after leaving before I felt like myself again, but I'm finally happy.

Hell yeah, that's great

As in, the majority of your childhood was spent helping around the pizzeria, or you suffered some kind of memory loss so that's all you can recall?

I wasn’t helping it was just sitting in the dining room till closing

That sucks. Your dad still have the spot?

No he sold it a while ago

Since when is Marvin Jewish?

Well uh It's meh the days are pretty repetitive i wake up have breakfast go to school go home study and stay on the computer until bedtime. Schools been a little bit stressing because of the amount test i have to study, things haven't been the best for me on the internet and i have a shitty pc that can't run a lot of games and i have to wait for summer break, spring break, winter break to play actually good games, all i do on the internet is refresh the websites in hopes of something interesting to appear while listening to music, the only thing i can do is watch series but im just too lazy to watch them so yeah not very good life.

You know, I've thought about this a lot over the years. You are right in a sense, that in the larger picture of the cosmos, or of the planet, the country, or even our cities, we are a drop in the bucket. Maybe it doesn't matter what you do.

There's two lessons I've taken from this. One, when you can free yourself of the notion of greatness, of needing validation through some kind of cosmic significance, it gives you the freedom to do what you want, to create how you want, to find your tribe and live in a way that is satisfying. That is something that we all get to define for ourselves.

The second lesson is that we are a communal species first: the notion of singular greatness is something trained into us and is not natural to our evolution. We are special as a species because of our collective effort. It is through collective effort that the million problems come to a resolution, and through no other means.

It's not as if greatness/significance is unachievable, but it's a crap shoot. Who were your parents? What city were you born in, and when? Who was around you? What was happening in the world? What opportunities arose? What opportunities were taken or avoided?

We can ponder this, every day, for the rest of our lives. There is a great sad boi band called Greet Death, and they say "I want to think about my days 'til I waste them all." It's an option.

Stuck in the grind...bummer. What classes are you taking?

I had a buddy growing up whose dad opened up a pizzeria. It was going alright til their oven broke down, and it closed shortly thereafter. Last I checked they moved to Alaska and got (even more) religious. You still talk with your dad a lot?

Math classes, P.E classes, My country's language classes, German classes, English classes, Science classes, chemistry classes, Citizenship classes, Moral Education classes, and History classes yeah that's all the classes i have