How old were you when you first realized there wasn't enough alcohol in the world for you to wash the pain away?
I was in my early twenties when I first "drank myself sober."
There just comes this point in a night of properly titrated alcohol consumption where your brain figures out how to think drunk, then all of a sudden all the memories come flooding back without any of the inhibitory walls that normally protect your mind from the horror when you're sober.
There was a brief period of about a year (this was actually before 2017, if you can believe it) when any time I drank over a certain amount. I would have horrific flashbacks to things that happened when I was a kid, like my mom biting a chunk out of my dad's chest for coke money (they're still married cuzz reeeeeeligion)
Even to this day where I know my limit is on alcohol is based on if I start remembering terrible things from childhood, because it's a real party killer. I still drink when I want to, like when I'm out at a show, or maybe have a bottle of wine on the weekend, but I really don't get excited about the prospect of getting drunk and it's not really my go to relaxation method.
I still smoke pot, but there's also only so high I want to get. To be completely honest the main reason I started smoking in my teens is that weed makes me not remember my nightmares. I've cut back a good bit over the past few years, but if I skip my evening toke I have particularly rancid and violent nightmares. I won't touch extracts or wax because there's just no point in pushing your tolerance up that high and it's wasteful.
Does anybody else experience this "drinking yourself sober" thing? Why can't I be a jolly drunk like everyone else?
This is a song about death. It's on mandolin.
Hate is the first step to all solutions.
You will not end bigotry until you learn to hate it.
