the go gamer portable is a console claiming to have 220 games on it. it looked pretty ridiculous, so i bought it. i started it up, and there were barely any games. and to add insult to injury, they were all garbage sports games! there were two non-sports games, though. one was a slow paced space shooter. the other one was called "mini fighter" and it was just street fighter 2 but crappier. it's only really good for if you're using the bathroom and you have an insane craving for street fighter. i was pretty disappointed, but then i noticed there was a game called "mini game". THAT was where the games were hiding! i started it up, and there are six different genres. puzzle, action, venture, table, sport, and relax. what the fuck does table mean? does it mean tabletop games like dungeons and dragons? turns out the table section is just a mishmash of random games. some are puzzle games, and some are platformers. anything goes, really. then i went to the action games. the first game is called "hare fighter". hare fighter is shit. you play as a rabbit shooting exploding spiky balls at stupid looking guys with huge horns and waddle doos. yeah, you heard me right, waddle doos. they stole sprites from kirby. moving on. i decided to play a game called "dudu rush". sounds like doodoo. am i gonna be rushing to the toilet in this game? sounds gross. it's actually a generic infinite runner game with a caveman theme. it's actually pretty fun. next up is "elvish boy". turns out that elvish is a language in lord of the rings or something. anyway, i was hoping this would be a legend of zelda ripoff, but i was wrong. i started it up, and it's a platformer. you play as a bootleg ness as he runs around feeding pissed off monsters candy. when you feed them candy, they will stop trying to kill you to enjoy the tasty treat. remember, if you get jumped in the streets, just give your attackers some candy. that's all they want. it's pretty average, and it has three levels. in the second levels you fight megaman enemies. yeah, these games are NOT afraid of copyright lawsuits. that's all for now, but i will review more games in this weird ass console.
At 11/12/18 09:01 PM, Zornuzkull wrote: i agree hare fighter is shit...
you have this system? give me your review on it!
At 11/13/18 03:48 AM, Zornuzkull wrote: its a 16 bit game boy colour clone it has two buttons and a D pad...
all the games are built in all of which are shit shovel ware titles...
its reminiscent of the old tiger handheld games that used to be popular... except technology has moved on to a degree in which color graphics are available it retails at around thirty bucks and could probably benefit from an AC adapter...
id recommend it as a hastily bought gift on the way to a children's party...
or something to keep young children quiet during in a long car journey be sure to have plenty of batteries...
id give it a 5/10 as a time sponge would have gotten more if it didn't eat batteries so quickly...
i'd recommend it for the arcade game clones. it has a Q*bert clone called "jumping mary" and a pac man clone called "eat bean" and that's pretty cool
now i'm going to review the pinball game on the go gamer portable. first things first, it sucks. don't get me wrong, it's still fun to play, but there are DEFINITELY better options out there. compared to 3D space pinball for windows xp and midnight magic for the atari 2600, it looks like complete trash. there are barely any things on the table, so it gets pretty boring after a while. but when you get a certain amount of points, you move on to the next level. it's just another barren pinball table. it would be better if they just designed ONE good pinball table instead of a bunch of shitty ones. the first thing i noticed was that the flippers are really stiff. you tap the b button, and the flipper instantly zips up as fast as possible. also, you can't hold down the buttons to keep the flippers up. what a mess. it's still pinball, though, and i enjoy it. there's just SO many better options out there. also, in the first level, you have to hit dogs to get points. you get points for harming animals? that's awful! i give it 2.5/5. it's pretty fun, but it's still a bad pinball game.
