The Meta arena was like a swarm of human bees, buzzing with the outcome of the second round of selection. The banner of Spice Fest rippled despite the still weather.
The corps of uniformed Meta officers were giving each other worried glances. They felt the wild power in the air, the feeling that somehow the rules were no longer in place.
The Chief was on his feet, his jaw twitching as he ground his teeth, peering down at the action on the field.
"What the hell kind of sauce was that?!"
"Sriracha. We chose Sriracha for the second round of eliminations for Spice Fest. The idea was the ingredients are pretty harsh and we could demonstrate the dangers of spices with it," Commander Terse advised. He knew all too well the power of the sauce.
"Those judges are highly trained Meta Nutritionists. How could a combination of seasonings make them act like that?"
"Sriracha is really good, sir." Terse shrugged.
Meanwhile, Agent Caroline Parker was down on the field, frozen. The roaring of the crowd in her ears deafened her. Everyone was talking at once.
"What the hell are we up against?!" The Head Chef was honestly startled. She'd been certain she'd crush the competition.
Caroline couldn't look her in the eye. Her hazel eyes sat unfocused on a fixed point on the horizon as she held perfectly still.
"Hot pepper can cause a rush of endorphins as powerful as any drug. Before the Meme Wars, there were entire cultures based around spicy intoxicating cuisines."
"They never taught us that in Meta school..."
"Of course not. The entire purpose of the Second Meme War was to wipe those cultures out of existence."
Caroline's face was a frozen mask.
The Head Chef was incredulous.
"The Second Meme War was about the Memes rights of the government, not the eradication of culture."
The Head Chef never saw Caroline's head move. One minute she was staring off into space, the next her hazel eyes were two pearlescent daggers in the soul.
"Do you really thing they'd tell you the truth? Do you really think people who are capable of destroying thousands of years of history and culture without a twinge of remorse wouldn't lie about it?"
"I... I mean... it's what they told me when I was a kid..."
"They lied to us, okay? They lied to all of us. These spices, these seasonings, they're not just bits of ground up plants. They're experiences. They're like faces, like moods. Food is an expression. Food is how your mother tells you who you are before you learn to speak, beginning with the life's milk that flows from her breasts. Food is..."
"Food is one of the ways the Meta established control after the Third Meme War."
Caroline finally relaxed, though her face still showed no expression.
"Yeah."
Caroline took a deep breath.
"Look, you don't stand a chance of winning this competition. There's something going on here. People could get hurt."
"I already know it's rigged. I thought I was sent here to rig it."
"But did they tell you why?"
"They said a dangerous meme dealer who killed a Meta officer in a prison break was on the loose, and the competition was a sting to catch him."
Caroline's eyes drifted off again.
"And you believed them?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"Memelord is...."
"WOULD THE NEXT ROUND OF COMPETITORS PLEASE ADVANCE TOWARDS YOUR STATIONS!"
The public address system blared, drowning out all conversation
The six hapless contestants didn't know what was coming.
"Sandra"
"Jim"
"Tasha"
"Colt"
"Marilyn"
"Jasper"
They each took their turns at the spice table, gathering up the rare restricted seasonings that were available nowhere else without the bounds of Meta civilization. For some of them, this was the first time they'd ever experienced garlic. The rest of the world was a blighted apocalyptic hell after the devastation of three separate Meme Wars. Only a few precious enclaves survived, and of them, only the Meta were able to return to the previous heights of human civilization.
In the winners podium, the Meta Nutritionist sat in mortified silence as the two old women told salacious dick jokes and made little sexually explicit gestures as they intentionally sat on either side of her. When she tried to move, the two old biddies would hobble over and pin her between them again and go back to having loud conversations about penises with lots of big hand gestures, although sometimes they'd use a really little hand gesture and flick their finger a lot.
Finally, Caroline could focus again.
"Memelord is...."
"AND ANOTHER ONE GOES DOWN!"
The public address speaker cut her off again as Colt smartly tapped out before the cayenne overpowered him.
"Memelord isn't just a meme dealer. He found a copy of a full gallery of pre-war memes, including many pepes so rare their existence was previously unknown. He also has in his possession military grade memes that were used in the Meme Wars. He's been going after the Space Projector."
"The space projector? You mean the satellite that broadcasts memes off the moon?"
"We think he might be planning to spam a weaponized meme. Meta citizens who haven't been innoculated against meme attacks by previous meme exposure could be horribly triggered."
"AND SANDRA IS OUT!" blared the speakers. Meta medics rushed in to wash the capsaican from her blinded eyes. She would recover.
The Head Chef couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You probably shouldn't say more, he might hear you."
"I don't think he's in the crowd anymore."
"Why not?"
"I know him, and if I know anything about Memelord is that if he was in this competition, he would almost certainly be on the podium by the second round, if not the first."
"You think he's already up there? But only the Meta Nutritionist and those two old ladies with the super sauce are up there."
"Exactly. Meme Sauce."
"Oh shi--"
"JUST ANOTHER CASUALTY TO SPICES, FOLKS! SEE HOW AMAZINGLY DANGEROUS UNHEALTHY FOOD IS? SEE THE TEARS STREAMING FROM POOR JASPER'S EYES AS HE'S CARRIED OFF THE FIELD. I SURE AM GLAD THIS ISN'T HAPPENING IN OUR KITCHENS AT HOME, FOLKS. "
There's only three competitors left. Jim and Tasha are using rags over their faces to protect them from the pepper and garlic fumes coming off of their pans. Marilyn has cut her mix severely with tomatoes, but seems dazed by the spices.
Tasha cuts a look at Jim. They're both beyond their breaking points. He nods back, and they both put their hands up. If this is spices, they want out.
Marilyn staggers as the judges run up to announce her the winner of the third round. By the time they reach her, she collapses.
"NULL SET!"
Caroline stepped forward.
"Are you sure?" said the Chef, her confidence shaken.
Agent Caroline Parker says nothing. She needs a knife now.
There were no other competitors.
The world turned into a dim hallway.
She approached the seasonings table, and inhaled.