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The End. 2010-03-02 04:11:25


Well its been a while and rather than fish my old thread from the depths of indifference I figure I'l do what all the cool kids are doing and start a whole new thread based around a single narrative because I'm cooler than Keanu Reeves wearing sunglasses riding a T-Rex through outerspace while playing guitar and smoking cigarettes.

The End
Jack d. Curleo

I walk to the seat where I will face the apocalypse. Men and women surround me to watch the world end, my head held high I expect to face judgment day like a man, no fear for my sins for surely the universe shines on its sole vessel in where perception and perspectives are made, it would not damn itself as a guilty soul sent to the world below I will rise to the world above and claim my seat as one universe past. But as I look and see the disapproving stare piercing my being from every direction, cursing existence itself I can't fight back fear for what is happening; has everyone gone insane angered at me, the man brave enough to carry the weight of worlds on his shoulders surely they are staring at the men on my right and left guiding me to the end of days. They are the true monsters in this scenario, dooming us all to a premature Armageddon, but deep down I knew they're for me the bastards. I have never seen most of them men and women attending; though I can vaguely make out some similarities to people I have met in the past in the faces that stare so angrily at life.
I take my seat in my shabby wooden chair, my tour guides then hold my arms and legs down and strap them to the chair, the devil was taking no chances with me, he wanted this world for his own but he could not so he destroys what he cannot own. I don the metal helmet that is one of the many weapons powerful enough to cause an apocalypse.
They ask if I've any last words, I did but when asked I saw a demonic crowd, watching laughing enjoying the prelude to the end. From this evil audience fear manifests in my realm, the foundation shakes as does my head, sweat breaks out and I my jaw quivers. The walls are screaming and my skin is burning, the damned contraption isn't even on and I'm on fire, burning in the searing agony that is my inevitable damnation, then a buzz is heard, it grows louder and with it so does the true hellfire. The chair is blazing and my head is melting, in a final clap of thunder and lightning the world ends.

Response to The End. 2010-03-02 18:10:06


Wow. That's not depressing at all.


I put the BS in BBS.

BBS Signature

Response to The End. 2010-03-02 18:25:15


I tried to fix the grammar...

I walk to the seat where I will face the apocalypse. Men and women surround me to watch the world end(.) (M)y head held high (--) I expect to face judgment day like a man, no fear for my sins(;) for surely the universe shines on its sole vessel(,) in where perception and perspectives are made(.) (I)t would not damn itself as a guilty soul sent to the world below(.) I will rise to the world above and claim my seat as one universe past.

This feels like a lot of poetic fluff to say what a line or two could have said. You also have an enormous run-on which makes the readability almost non-existent.

But as I look and see the disapproving stare piercing my being from every direction, cursing existence itself(,) I can't fight back fear for what is happening; has everyone gone insane(?) (They're) angered at me, the man brave enough to carry the weight of worlds on his shoulders(.) (S)urely they are staring at the men on my right and left guiding me to the end of days. [What does this even mean?] They are the true monsters in this scenario, dooming us all to a premature Armageddon, but deep down I knew they're for me (--) the bastards. I have never seen most of them [remove the "m"] men and women attending; though I can vaguely make out some similarities to people I have met in the past in the faces that stare so angrily at life. [Something is off]
I take my seat in my shabby wooden chair, my tour guides then hold my arms and legs down and strap them to the chair, the devil was taking no chances with me, he wanted this world for his own but he could not so he destroys what he cannot own [Consider breaking up]. I don the metal helmet that is one of the many weapons powerful enough to cause an apocalypse.

They ask if I've any last words, I did but when asked I saw a demonic crowd, watching laughing enjoying the prelude to the end. From this evil audience fear manifests in my realm, the foundation shakes as does my head, sweat breaks out and I my jaw quivers. The walls are screaming and my skin is burning, the damned contraption isn't even on and I'm on fire, burning in the searing agony that is my inevitable damnation, then a buzz is heard, it grows louder and with it so does the true hellfire. [Consider breaking up, run-on?] The chair is blazing and my head is melting, in a final clap of thunder and lightning the world ends.

I honestly have no idea what you are trying to say here. So I hope my grammatical advice is somewhat accurate and can be of help to you.


Failure should push you until success can pull you.

BBS Signature

Response to The End. 2010-03-02 18:48:28


Basically all this is about is a guy getting the electric chair, but told from his perspective and the end of the universe is just the end of his life. It takes the Donnie darko route of "the End Of the world" play on concept, where its just the main character's life ending.
As for what I'm trying to say here: A resounding Nothing, its a narrative I wrote it because I am capable to not to make a statement or enlighten simply to entertain, to entertain myself more so than Everyone else.
And I do appreciate the the grammar fixing, I don't care to check for run-ons or things like that when I'm writing.

Response to The End. 2010-03-02 18:50:07


At 3/2/10 06:10 PM, funnyhomeboy wrote: Wow. That's not depressing at all.

I know right so Upbeat and optimistic I like the part where the pony becomes a horse.