Sounds like nice, classically inspired chord progressions here.
Some notes, I know there is a sine bass under what's going on before 38 seconds, but I doubt anyone would be able to hear it. There are a lot of muddy chord intervals -- when you have chords that are down low and the notes spaced closer together, they don't work the same way they do up high. In fact I generally caution against chords where they notes are all spaced together, or using a ton of notes on the same instrument in a chord. For electronic music, it leaves the tendency to copy and paste and throw everything on there.
Also, whatever carillon bell synth you have clanging throughout on the bottom, the reverb on that is completely covering up the melodies you've written. I really feel like by 2:46 we've heard the same melody and chords almost the whole time, and we're going all the way back through for another bout of the same. You've got a chord progression you're in love with, I know, but it sounds like the same 4 chords over and over, for 4 minutes, with almost no melodic development because we move the same melodies into different instruments.
This tells me there is a weakness in structuring songs, not necessarily lead writing. We've just got the 4 chords, and we don't really know where to go with them other than the same big section we built to start off that inspired us to write the song to begin with. So I would recommend some youtube research on structuring music.
Also, throughout there is so much added reverb, more than is necessary -- because really you'll never have enough reverb to convince a human ear that that charang guitar or the piano or the bells are real bells. So cut that reverb down to about half of what you have, and low cut to 250 hz on reverb wet FX sends.
Back to the structure, the way the percussion is laid out tells me we didn't really know where we were going and sort of added it last to hopefully bandaid some naked sections -- I've been there. I still do it sometimes tbh. Finding a song structure you like of say, intro, verse, chorus, verse chorus times two, bridge or solo section, chorus three to four times, fade out or stinger note will help you write more concisely.
You already have in mind what you want to say, just keep in mind as you go along that less is more, and I think that will help you the most. Would love to see what you could do with a nice desktop DAW. I'm amazed you got something like this out of LMMS :)
Thanks for coming out to NGUAC!
thanks for all the feedback, though the excessive reverb to make it distinctly not real was intentional and since i started making this ive figured out how to actually write a melody, this one suffered from the "this is my 500th attempt at a good melody and it finally sounds nice so lets keep going with it" problem many of my songs have, in the 2 months since i started making this song ive learnt a fair bit on music theory but was too lazy to restart this song, hopefully my round 2 submission will have a better structure to it and thanks a ton for all of the feedback
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