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A List of All the Terrible Things I Have Done (Only Five)

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A List of All the Terrible Things I Have Done (Only Five)

©2020 Paul "CabbageClock" Jackson

This is all the terrible things I have done

From yesterday back to the age I was one

I'm not even going to try to disguise

That I threw sand at a Korean boy's eyes

and I don't think I'll try to explain

That given the chance, I'd do it again (Fuck that guy)

His name was Jeong-Won, and he was a dick

He told the teacher and I nearly was sick

Much later on, around twenty-five

I was out walking the streets with my wife

The night was dark, the pubs were all closed

I felt my insides about to explode

I ran to the nearest tree I could find

Whipped down my trousers, exposed my backside (Shit my pants)

Evacuated the contents of my gut

Made a dirty old mess outside the scout hut

Whilst on the subject of confessing sins

I eat Fray Bentos pies straight from the tin (Less washing up)

Slapped the iPhone straight out of Sammy Grett's paw

Fed a friend a dinner I had dropped on the floor

I took a shit outside the scout hut

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just incredible. no more words need to be said-

My damn son, this is some mighty fine song writing.

It's beautiful. I have also taken a shit outside a scout hut.

CabbageClock responds:

It's a rite of passage. Back passage.

Credits & Info


4.79 / 5.00

Feb 27, 2020
10:09 AM EST
Brit Pop
File Info
5.5 MB
2 min 25 sec

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