Per request, I'll give you my feedback, and try to tell you how to improve!
You need to get Volume Control down... this is clipping like craaazzzyyyy.
if you could manage volumes, and get this not clippin' so much, it'd get a 5 from me :)
if you dont know how to edit volumes yet, then it's deffs something to learn.
Idk what DAW you use, maybe I could help? idk.