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The half-eaten Fox

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Those annoying crows. I always hear them after I've had my fill.

I'm so tired, and I'm a long ways from my den…

Where am I?

I seem to be near the path of the Great Earth Snake…

I'm trying to get up but I'm so tired…
And those stupid crows won't let me sleep.

It's cold and the sun is out, I can hardly turn my head…

I can hear some one eating meat nearby, I'm kind of hungry.

Why can't I get up?

I turn my head slightly and I see a crow eating something fresh.

"Hey! That's Mine, I Had It First!"
I yell at the crow.

"You don't know how right you are."
He remarked.

I can hardly see what he is eating…
He is perched on the hard trail left behind by the Great Earth Snake.

"Hey Crow, Can you atleast-"
"I'M A RAVEN!"
Squawked the crow (they are all the same to me).

He then flew away as a patch of orange hair glimmered thru the air behind him, floating down and landing on my snout.

My body has never ached so much.

I found it hard to stay awake at this point and another crow landed next to my ear.

"Shame to see another one ea-"
Before he could finish his sentence The Great Earth Snake zoomed past so fast, like lightning, loud and earth-quakingly terrifying. I didn't have the energy to move, but it ignored me anyway. The force of wind it carried pushed my body slightly to my side.

I saw humans inside it…

So that's where they come from…

My energy is sapped…

From the new angle my body is, I can see The Great Earth Snake's trail clearly.

The sun is setting behind it's cave and I'm way too tired…

My eyes are getting heavy…

I can't feel my hind legs…

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow…

The End

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It reflects the words so well, very clever!

Personally, the dichotomous tone is quite pleasing, but it does have its drawbacks in this tune (although it isn't terrible, since you managed to pull it off very well). I found your song "Medusa's grasp" a lot better than this song.
There is not much else to say since it is just a piano-only song. In that case, I will just focus on the melodic content of the usage of the piano. The transitions are slow yet smooth. It isn't your normal piano tune that is either soft or dramatic, but it is one of those that tend to be more progressive and between soft and dramatic.
Overall, there is not much to discuss, but I do see a lot of room for improvement, but the effort is there! In my opinion, it was quite enjoyable to listen to. Good luck on your future pieces! :)

DissoluteVoid responds:

Yeah The whole song is based on that story, So the start of the song is the crows, the melody is the fox's thought process and then the great earth snake.... actually let me leave that a mystery. I wrote this story and then I made the characters dialog into melodic pieces. Not much to listen to without knowing whats happening in the story... especially cause the Train sound comes out of nowhere that has no musical value besides suspense in the story. I'm happy to hear your review I had alot of fun making this piece although its nothing like I the music I make now. Thanks

Credits & Info

Artist

Listens
274
Faves:
2
Score
Waiting for 3 more votes

Uploaded
Nov 26, 2018
4:09 AM EST
File Info
Song
5.9 MB
2 min 36 sec
Software
  • FL Studio

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