Could use work

This Piece could do without the industrial grinding sound, in my opinion, it's a little too much, maybe even just tone down, or replaced with a mechanical clicking, like gears in the background. The main melody though, is quite well done, from what i can hear od it through the distorted noise. A fair five of ten is for you, you have potential, but need's some practice.

no offense

no offense but i don't like this sorry mate