I had the strong urge to shoot something while listening to this song. Not because it was terrible, but because the song was telling me to do so. I can easily imagine picking up a blaster rifle and mowing dudes down and laugh in their faces.
But this has problems. To me, this song needs to construct additional strings. Notably the lack of chords. If you had a chord progression in there, even a quiet one, it would be a lot better, and probably have better flow and "Thickness".
Some of the melody is also a bit dissonant, but if on purpose, then good job.
njaddison 
Gelainheim 
