You clearly have a good hold on the concept of melodic progression, and that's what makes the sound of this piece so good.
As a fellow 8-bit composer, the piece is not "too sharp", as others have said; that's the way that raw 8-bit synths sound, like it or not. I do agree, however, that it sounds different from the rest of the track because of the lack of bass at the beginning. I would consider adding in a lower bass synth (like a triangle) to round it out and make it match the rest of the track.
Overall, still a nice, thematic track. Good job!