The lyrics completely ruined the entire song to be honest. Again in all honesty the title doesn't match the theme of the song at all.
I can't exactly pin point anything other than these two following things that are major problems.
- The lyrics are not only complete garbage, but they disrupt the song's tempo/beat.
- The beat and tempo feel and sound like an ugly stepchild, hidden away from the light of day by the lyrics.
You need to let your beat do the talking more next time, and less vocal work.
Oh my god. This song is so creepy that I just can't find the word to describe it... those unclear voice snippets alone give me the creeps, but this very quiet humming in the background is the icing on top of the "creepy cake", heh.
When the music sets in after a while, the song becomes a tad bit less creepy, so I thank you for that... ^^ But sadly (or maybe, luckily?) the song falls back to it's old, minimalistic style after only a short while.
Long story short: This is a great submission!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.