This is a very cool song, from a strictly musicologic perspective. You use lots of different patterns for your gates which keeps them interesting and the chords and melodies get along very well. Even the overall progression is more complex and interesting than most of the stuff you hear (in general, not just on newgrounds). The thing that killed the song for me was the 8 bit sound holmes, and the VSTs you used. Maybe if you had something to smooth things out a bit and EQ on your master track it would help...but ultimately, the best thing I think you could do is use some high quality production VSTs, or maybe consider alternative recording options with sound generating instruments (synths, workstations, I've even mic'd a xylophone before to get a good sound). I think the song is impressively written, but I'm afraid it's not 10/5 material to me.
Sounds great! I wasn't a fan of the snare though, it sounded a bit too grungy and gritty. I'd love to hear you make some more happy, upbeat stuff!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.