Jumpy
You have some great ideas here. "Great" as in "awesomeishly kick-ass." However, you didn't fit together these awesomeishly kick-ass ideas in such a way as would allow them to congeal into an awesomeishly kick-ass song. I shall convey unto you the advice once given to me by a man of great wisdom: "Good songs start with a theme and evolve with it." There's a time and a place for everything, but I think this would have made a much better piece of music if you didn't jump the song around all over the place.