yay, some new stuff

a very unusual style like always :)
hope i get to see your style develop into some great music one day
unusual styles are the hardest to give advice on but i think i know some points you could improve this piece on

the most important thing you should work on is the beat
the percussions you choose doest work well for this piece at all (especially the clap) and possibly the whole rithm of the beat (i have the feeling that you made the beat so active on some points because you tried too hard to make it sound well because you got the same feeling and didnt know how to improve it well)
for this piece you would need some very unusual sounds used as percussion to make it mix well into the song
since your the only one i know who works in this style its hard to give some good examples but i think Cao Aid from Marco V is the best i can think of to show you some ideas, in that piece he uses some sounds in the beat that would normally never be used like that and it works well (those strange sounds doesnt even fully give the feeling that they are part of the beat, so fluently it mixes into the song)

something ells that could be improved is a better support to some of the the current sounds, when you use a sound on the background that follows the current melody it can give some more structure to it (in this style it would sound well to make those backgrounds sound change in form a little while playing with some effects in the mixer by the use of automations)

last thing i can think of are the transitions from one part to another, some goes smooth but some could use a little more work

hope i gave you some ideas of how to improve it