I could hear something like this at the club. >.>

Because it's your first attempt I will give it an 8. You can go far with this being your first though. Nice job!! Check out Andrew Cole - Myx It Up sometime!

No...

I'm sorry to say this, but this song isn't too good. Firstly the bass has so little tonality that it sounds harsh, wrong and kind of hurts my ears. The drums start out as a slow pounding which isn't very easy to listen to at all and when the other drums start coming in at around 0:15, the drums become very repetitive. At 0:30 when the main lead comes in it becomes even more repetitive. The droning drums get louder which helps kill the tonality. at 1:02 we did not need any more drums. What is needed in this song is more change and tonality. Less harsh sounds would be better.
With time maybe you will become a good musician.