Try to work a bit on the intonaion matching between the guitarr and voice.
You don't need to be sliding into pitches, hit them on the dot, without the adjusting, it makes you sounds sloppy.
Needs more dynamics, it was basically one volume the whole time.
Guitar chords needed to be sustained longer near the end.
As for the lyrics, they were decent, but I'd proly change the refrain every couple of repeats to grab attention.
Then ending could use some work as well.
Thanks man, this is just a rough demo... I'll be working on a new one soon, I'll keep everything in mind