You have some ideas here, but this doesn't hold its own as a complete song. For its genre, it may have a promising underlying compositional structure, but the recording quality is very poor, it doesn't sound well planned, and the execution needs work. I would strongly suggest, if you intend to expand on this, to write down the individual components and rearrange it into a verse/chorus/verse/bridge/chorus 2 minute punk song. Among other things, it particularly lacks bass, drums, vocals, and maybe an additional guitar, as would be standard for a punk song. It has potential, but that would mostly rely on how well other instruments, especially vocals are executed. That is to say, on its own, it isn't particularly dynamic, and gives somewhat of a 'cruise control' feel, at least that's my take on it. As I mentioned, I think this has potential, but completing the production up to independant industry standards might as well be just as much work as writing an altogether new song. If I were you (retaining my personality), I would consider the stage of production seen here to be more of a milestone in my development to writing commercial music.
The thing is, it DOES have bass, vocals, and drums. But my band is on vacation right now, so I couldn't really record it without them here. So once they get back this Sunday, I'll re-record it all, and post the final version. It will sound a hell of a lot better. Thanks for the review, I see what you mean. Thanks for the review, and I appreciate the comments.