Just a WIP of my first actual big and meaningful project.
Enjoy it.
Nice Start
About your Percussion and stuff...
1: It came on way too fast
2: It is too loud, tone it down (Percussion, not song)
3: You have too much stuff in your song
4: I want to hear more of you Melody and more variety within it more often
5: Most people have a noticable story in their music, but I can't find one in yours!
Yeah, it is sort of iffy, isn't it?
I need to go back in and do some work on it actually.
I've produced a nine minute demo of what the whole project is going to be, with a lot more mastering and equalizing done to where it doesn't sound just like a wall of sound, it actually seems somewhat coherent.
In any case, once I get the final product done, I'm going to upload that again.
Thanks for all your advice though.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.
Goh-Akumi 
