The idea was good but...

You shouldn't scoop your mids so much. It only makes everything sound like it was recorded inside of a tin can. Turn up your mids, lower your highs slightly as well as the lows. That will give you a much more recordable sound and take away the tinny sounds that are the prevailing factor on this track. I like the song, but the way you recorded didn't do it for me.

Not my genre

But, that was hella nice! Can't really give any advice....