Overall pretty good
It definitely needs a bass line though. Also, try to turn up your mic volume a bit. There's a few places where you are seriously competing with the beat. I do like the "weird" effect the slow-down had on Nicola's vocals though.
As for the lyrics, you did well. Somewhat moving, but would have had more effect if they had been brought out more.
Hope that helps. If you get a chance could you review some of my stuff?
It needs bass. Like a drum kick at least- I'd say a bass line too. As a work in progress it has great potential.
Appreciate the review. And it's something I can actually agree with. It does need bass.