It could be good!
I'm pretty sure this could be much better. From what I can make out it seems decently rhythmic and well composed. The biggest problem you seem to have right now is your recording equipment. I didn't mark you down on the voting for the equipment of course, 3/5, because believe me, I know how expensive good equipment is. It's just really hard to hear what's going on. As I said, this in no way affected the voting, I was just leavin' it in the review. ^_^ Keep at it!
i agree with you