-the seventh day of Shitsmas-

We got an Elf On The Shelf to get into the cheer

But something's wrong with him, he's been leaving my kids in fear

He's got a lazy eye and his mouth is never dry

He stares at us sometimes, something is wrong with his mind

The Elf On The Shelf's depressed, 'cause he doesn't get paid

He watches us get dressed, and now my family's afraid

He's got ADHD, he always fidgets with himself

We should take him to a facility, or maybe we should just get a new elf

We named him Bart, and he's had a rough start

He isn't really smart, and now he's doing the TardBard

He's a bit bi-polar, and schizophrenic too

Lady at the store, I tried to show her, she said, "Ain't nothin' I can do!"

Can someone save him?

He keeps misbehavin'

Can someone save him?

He needs a safe haven

In the shower, washin' my dick, and I caught that elf starin'

Wipin' my ass after I took a shit, caught the elf starin'

In my room, trying to jerk off, there's that elf again

He started talking to me this time, motherfucker said "Tell me when!"

Maybe it's Asperger's, or maybe he's just a pervert

Santa must've dropped him, 'cause something's going on within

He's got ADHD, he always fidgets with himself

We should take him to a facility, or maybe we should just get a new elf

Can someone save him?

He keeps misbehavin'

Can someone save him?

He needs a safe haven

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!

Doin' the TardBard!