website: https://jaypedia.xyz

bandcamp: https://thejayjay.bandcamp.com/

this is the full demo for the song 'The Weight of Expectations' which i made for Inktober 2023. the song was done in parts, one part for each corresponding prompt.

i'm uploading this in full as that's the intended way to hear this song, rather than in parts with gaps in-between. please bear in mind that this is still a "demo" and i plan on remaking this song along with all of the other songs i made for Inktober 2023. the vocal audio is also inconsistent since i was recording on different days, i tried to fix it as best as i could but there's still some noticeable errors.

lyrics:

(0:00) Section I: Chains

So help me.

Why can't I just let me be?

These chains are heavy!

Stuck by this fence!

With this iron, intense!

Cannot think straight!

Nothing equates!

Down in the dirt, chained like a dog with my malleable mind that can't see through the fog

I beg for a time where I could see my desires come to fruition, but they're hard to acquire

Observing others, some have what they want, the rest do not, they feel left in the dumps

Am I in the middle, or is there a side?

These questions kill me! So just let me hide!

Behind this fence!

With this iron, intense!

No, I cannot think straight!

And nothing equates!

So you think that 'cause you can't see the chains that they do not exist? Is that really your way?

It's not just me, you're locked up too, but you have some pleasure. You know that you do.

A colleague to talk to, a pet that you walk, these are just two things I have yet to unlock

But I first need a key for this burden, it does not exist - I am certain.

So be by this fence!

With this iron, intense!

No, I cannot think straight!

Nothing equates!

(3:20) Section II: Scratchy

Confusion is fed!

As I'm scratching my head!

Why is my way?

Just a constant delay?

(4:27) Section III: Celestial

A new light, it blows my mind!

A new purpose, it's been outlined!

I'm unstuck and I feel great!

This inspiration, it dominates!

No longer down and no longer chained

No longer feeling the scatterbrain!

No longer down and no longer chained

This drive is awesome, I'm unrestrained!

Celestial light

Please do not hide!

I do need your shine

So I can redefine!

Oh, Celestial light!

You do make me blind!

I'll hyper-fixate

On the things I will make!

(6:09) Section IV: Shallow

No, the light...

It's fading...

Oh, but why?

I'm jaded...

It was too good to be true and now I look like a weird fool

This endeavour of mine was shallow, it's something I should have foreshadowed

No more work, no more fun. No more sharing my pride to anyone

A shallow hole for which to bury my brain. I cannot put up with this disdain!

(8:04) Section V: Dangerous

I realise that this is fine, my thoughts have finally realigned.

I should consume, but not create. The failure tells me it is my fate.

Oh, but self-doubt is a nasty thing. A dangerous substance that leaves a sting in my heart and in my head. I should lie down in the dirt again

This dangerous game just can't be won

And this dangerous feeling is not what I want

I told others I would succeed

Fulfilled expectations is what I need!

(9:08) Section VI: Remove

Let me cut these thoughts out of my life

Let me get myself out of this strife

I'll return to my chains, it's the only way

I'll be certain of things, when desires are slayed!

(10:01) Section VII: Beast

No more expectations

No more temptations

Self-doubt has spoken

The beast has awoken

I'm stuck in these chains so rip me apart

I've taken this burden to my heart

So come forth, beast, end my suffering

Let me leave the world with others wondering

(11:20) Section VIII: Sparkle

A part of me just died

Yet I feel alive?

Something's not right

Is there another light?

Comfortable in this void?

But I want out to enjoy?

There's a sparkle this way

Let's go home and unchain

(13:53) Section IX: Massive / Rush

A massive fight!

Let's me see the light!

And changes are made!

When I'm feeling okay!

So be by this fence!

With this weight, intense!

But can I think straight?

Or is it my fate?

I'm not in the dark, not anymore

But I'm also not free, there's a feeling before

I've been inspired, but there's something I've missed

A horrible feeling that still persists.

Not in a slump, not feeling glad

Creations often come with something bad

I have to show a vulnerable side

So for the love of my soul, please let me hide!

Behind this fence!

With this weight, intense!

And can I think straight?

Or is it my fate?

This weight on my back, it's something I've had

For many years and it's made me sad

I just want to put out something okay

I do not care if it's shunned away

So why am I nervous? Why do I hide?

Everything is going to be fine

I'm still not sure, but I know what to do

I'll keep on creating just for you!

So rush past this fence!

But is this weight intense?

Am I thinking straight?

Will I be okay?

Let me rush past this fence!

No more weight, intense!

Am I thinking straight?

I think I'm okay!