FEATURING @NINJAMUFFIN99, @KIP-DIXON, and ME

NARRATOR:

it was the year 3054. The great powerful Arg Varg the Star Lard (lord)

was now descending into earths outer most orbit (not the chewing gum).

ARG: Commander fleef, ready the draw brdige as we prepare to make

oral contact with the ...primitives.

of course Lard Arg Varg.

lowering drawbridge (robot voice )

NARRATOR:

As arg varg warked darn toward the red barn, a bit of rard barg barf

slarped frm his tarng marng.

ARG:

hello earthlings, i am arv varg, the star lard, from plarnet barng charng.

the pleasure is all yours. 

NARRATOR:

he put out his hand, to be kissed by someone. a man stepped forward

it was none other than.. JAREFREY EPSTEIN!?

ARG:

jarefrey my old friends, its been ages my dear chum.

EPSTEIN: yes arv varg, ill nevr forget that time u and me and clinton

rode in my private jet all the way to my ...whats that word? izland?

to my izland.

ARG: ah yay, youre precious izland, we had quite the splendor of

pups to choose from didnt way?

EPS: yep. heres one right now, a young girl, shes only about

47 quadriceptilions in earth age measurements.

ARG: wow, 47 quads? i gotta meet this rotten bitch!

GIRL: hello lard arg varg, pleasure to finally meet you, i am starlina,

of earth, my hobbies include basket weaving, foraging, and drugged up

rave dancing. i hope you will choose me to accompany you while you stay 

here, on airth.

ARG: yes you will have to do i reckon.

======================

NARRATE:

the three of them arg, starlina, and jarefrey, all took jarefreys big

fag boat to his private izland, in the middle of....the bermuda triangle?!!

very scary. frogs and snakes and beepers and trakes, all sorts of 

creatures slithered about on this izland, all waiting to pounce on

anyones nasty litte shrivield up COCK who enters this dumb stupid

izland....

-=====

ARG: wow creepy izland jarefrey, really scary. im scared. i made a little pee pee from my worm hole downtown and its dribbling onto

me leg, and down me leg, and now i kind of wantt a little taste of it

cuz its warm and stinky, mm yummy stinky, my leg wizz.

JARE: coudlnt agree more dude,

============

NARRATE:

just then several big black cops surroudned the 3 of them, they looked

mean, racist, and definitely smelly and stinky to the core!

=======

COP: ayy lil white n***a, yous is epstein right? yous is undah arest mon,

cuz this izland is covered in underage twinks who saidd that you

farted on them in an illegal wawy mon, yous is undah arrest

=====

jeffrey ran for the hills as fast as he could, but the cop tackled him!

jeff: AHHH ouch my neck hurts from being tackled ouchhh

cop: put ur hands behind ur back mon, ur going to JAIL ok?!

====

NARRATE:

when all hope looked lost, just then, ARG seeing his ffriend being detained, jumped into action! 

ARG: I WILL SAVE YOU EPSTEIN SAN!!!!

arg jumped ontpo the cops neck and broke his big black neck in 3 peices and kneeled on

it really hard.

ARG: doesnt feel too good does it copper? to have a big space alien star lard knarling on yar spinal card??? you lark like a marred tard, knarling on yar spinal card!

cop: i...i cant breathe.....

ARG: well too bad cop, deal with it!

cop: you dont unerstand mon...when i cant breathe something bad heppens.....

ARG: WHAT is it cop? what happens what u cannot breathe? ?????????

========

NM99: hey guys its ninja muffin here, wanting to remind you about fart safety.

remember, whenever you got a really big fart coming on? point your stink ditch

all the way up to the sky, so that each and every bird can take a big hot whiff 

of whats cooking in hells kitchen! make sure to fart as much as you can, even around

your teacher or significant other, theyll understand when theyre older. i actually

HATE farting, but its kind of a long story that i cant really get into right now

until ive unpacked it in therapy, you see when i was just a little bear boy,

a big bear came up to me and let out a big air biscuit into my nose arena.

i asked him, was that a bottom burp? or are u just gassy to see me?

he said it wasnt actually a full on bottom burp, it was just a little one cheek squeak.

i licked my lips and said, mmm, id definitely like to sneak a peak at whats between

that one cheek squeak. he obliged, and cut the worlds biggest cheese right there,

he spread his hot dog and mustard buns and opened the lunchbox right there.

it sounded like a magnificent french horn, but it looekd more like an orange banana.

the baby brap started out so loud and strong and smelly my eyes watered, but it

quickly fizzled out into absolute nothingness, just like this story did.

god bless us, everyone!