Now also on Bandcamp under our band, Two Meeps!

Hey folks, Trois writing. This is a NGADM 2023 Round of 16 entry.

CW for allusions to suicide (hence the T rating).

During the Group Stage I nearly lost my life — I was a hair's breadth away from taking my life due to being gaslit by someone in a position of authority. The gaslighting is nothing new, and the feeling of complete and total powerlessness is also a repeat instance. And that feeling of weathering from it being "nothing new" is what wears someone, anyone, down, sometimes to the point of death.

This song is directed against those who would abuse their power and authority. The connection with the song is that we've been moonlighting, in effect: abusive authorities often function like rackets, and we like to think we're good sometimes, but we moonlight as people who close our ears to people's experiences of being abused by systems we trust. Against systems like this we reassert the cry of I have a future to seize and survive!, however hard that cry is to muster.

I wrote the initial structure in the afternoon of 27 August BST — hours after we got the Group Stage results. That day, I spoke with Christoph about the events that led to the creation of this song, and just like anxiety, this song took a life of its own, giving us ideas on how to channel everything I went through.

When I finally did sing lead on this, I sang it with my suicidal mental exhaustion, and all the wavering of will my experience be believed? But the intentions and words still matter.

Our tonal and production influences for this one were a mix of RHCP, Steely Dan, and twenty-one pilots.

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credits

comp, lyrics, piano, drums, lead vocals, backing vocals: Troisnyx

comp, guitars, bass, backing vocals, mix, master: Christoph Jakob

The entire round took place while I was moving house. Quite frankly, it's a massive privilege that I'm able to do what I've done for our collaborative effort, given the circumstances. With that:

Massive special thanks to Greg Slater for accommodating me on the day I recorded all vocals for this project.

Massive special thanks to the folks at Soundskills, especially Jason Beardsworth and Jamie O'Connor, for not only providing the space and manning the desk while I was recording drums, but making this part of the track happen to begin with, by accommodating me over the weekend.

Massive special thanks to my beloved Seán for fighting my corner, to various friends for checking in on me and keeping me going (you all know who you are), and to the two people whose names I don't remember who saved my life that day.

process in order

draft piano + vox structure > improved piano part > bass guitar > backing vocals > lead vocals > ack, my vocal cords > preliminary mix > frantically opening up Soundskills over the weekend to record drums because there'd be no time otherwise > oh no it's Big Run season brb Splatoon time > house moving related things > guitars > additional backing vocals > mix and master

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LYRICS

I won't go down on my knees

I won't go down on my knees and cry

I want these false memories

I want these false memories to die

I have a future to seize

I have a future to seize and survive

I won't look back on your deeds

I won't look back on your deeds with pride

'Cause we've been moonlightin', baby,

we've been pretending all our lives,

yes, we've been moonlightin', baby,

o'er how much you're needed more than I.

I'm just too tired of these

I'm just too tired of these pretty lies

I've lost entire parts of me

I've lost entire parts of me to the skies

I don't need no one to please

I don't need no one to please all my life

I won't go down on my knees

I won't go down on my knees and cry

'Cause we've been moonlightin', baby,

we've been telling the longest ever lie;

yes, we've been moonlightin', baby,

I'm just the chaff that goes into your fire.

('Cause we've been moonlightin', baby, aaaaaa!

Yes, we've been moonlightin', baby, aaaaaa!)

Left to lick my sores alone at night,

left with a shell of my own mind,

left to nearly die upon the road am I!

I have a future to seize

I have a future to seize and survive!

('Cause we've been moonlightin', baby, baby, aaaaaa!

Yes, we've been moonlightin', baby, baby, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!)

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Related media:

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  two meeps - moonlighting ~ Sleeve Cover Art

  by Troisnyx

  Illustration

  347 Views

  (Everyone)