Honestly, I really see the idea here. I can't remember the artist's name rn but this seems inspired by someone. However, I'm gonna explain my score.

Offbeat

Usually, songs follow a certain "criteria" to have some kind of new thing/change I guess every 4 beats. This helps people to expect smthn to hit to bop their heads to. What you have here, it started out with you on beat. When the loud melody thing came in, that's when it started to kinda fall apart.

The drums were still copy pasted in the 1, 2 , 1, 2 pattern so it's fine but the melody hit parts late making everything sound off. Honestly even if you don't vibe to it at first, it's sometimes those kind of things that fit the best. Make it hit every half bar so it's a bit quicker but still on beat. It doesn't have to be exactly that, but it's again, a suggestion to help it out. As for everything else, it still has the same problem. The build-up came in to sudden, the drops didn't sync with the drums, etc.

Transitions

I'm not totally sure if you know, but there are distinct parts of songs that help the flow of the song. The intro, bridge/verse, build-up, (usually for very certain songs or genres) pre-drop, drop then the rest depends on how you make the song. Although yours was somewhat distinct, some parts felt sudden and empty. Things like ambience, risers and sound fx (please don't overuse or make them loud if it's not really needed) help ease things in. Of course, this is easier to execute if your following the 4-bar rule.

Volume

Some aspects of the song seemed to loud and especially for their placements. The song starts off with drums. Ok, that's fine, it's not a crime or anything. However, they were too loud especially for starting off the song. However, I noticed that the drums were essentially the same volume throughout and I feel like that kinda ruins the punch they were supposed to have in the drop.

For example, the build-up is supposed to build energy for the drop; it should never have the exact same volume as the drop. Otherwise, it'll just make the drop seem less significant. The drums were the same volume again, the risers were too loud ammd the original volume was actually starting to drown. Although I usually make melodic tracks, I still feel like risers are the type of thing to add as an element to add energy rather than be a blatant part of the energy if that makes sense.

Mixing

This topic is kind of a sensitive topic since not everyone is a master at it including me, but I'm not gonna be hypocritical. Volume is just the start of mixing. Compression, delay, eq, panning, sidechain, etc. is where its at.

In the drop, I've been hearing a bit of distortion in the drop and realized that, it's either the fact that your sidechain is too quiet, or it's the fact you have no sidechain. If you you dont have sidechain, refer to some tutorials on sidechain on YouTube. At the end of the track, you have the drop ending with a huge delay. In my opinion, it's a bit too much for this genre considering it takes up around 12 seconds on its own.

As an extra thing, you could add a slight left to right pan on each time that loud melody hits for more variety but if it doesn't work out or you don't want to, that's totally fine. Just a suggestion.

Other

There are things like consistency issues like at 1:23 and 3:11. I'm not sure if this is a glitch in during the export of the mp3, but this feels random. If you were going for the vibe people do when they let rhe drop play for a couple seconds then let the drums come back in, then let the drop play instead of yeeting some of the drop a few bars away.

The second drop, although I understand you wanted it to be longer than the first one, this is too long. Especially at the cut I explain earlier, it just continues on with the same pattern and ends off with a drop. I've been in the same boat with my older songs for years where the second drop would be so extra long lol. Just keep at it and you'll understand and grow.

I hope you find my essay of wht I call feedback helpful lol. If you have more questions, lmk on discord. I'm TheCreatorPilot in the gc.

- TCP

greg heffley type beat AUGHHHH

it is offbeat, and the drums should have some variation. but its ok