Broke-Ass Car-Lady

I Bet I Can Make You Smile [EP], 2022

Vocals written and vocal'd by me.

Backing track by TheHoodedFiend.

Lyrics:

[Can I help you sir?

My God you're greasy...]

I just wanted some fucking burgers,

Drive-thru McDonalds trying to sate my fucking hunger,

But in front of me sits this old-ass car,

Idling a bit too hard,

What the fuck, man, is this fucking real?

Poor lady stuck driving this 'mobile?

Shit's loud as fuck, the warranty's bunk,

And I'm not really sure that it won't blow up,

Oh Christ; this car's really old,

Blowing out smoke like it's Snoop Dogg's home,

Muffler's like gunshots in Minneapolis,

And by that I mean another Tuesday in Minneapolis,

Honestly the thing's a hazard to all,

Won't take much to make it stall,

Dirt on the windows need to wash the back,

The paint on the side has got a big crack,

Air-freshener, that's no doubt spent,

Tires are bald, they came and went,

On the side's a huge-ass dent,

And the whole thing's got an ugly stench,

She pulls forward must've finished her order,

Now it's my turn to pull forward,

Eyes stay pinned on this janky beast,

Completely forgot about my feast,

"Two burgers please and some fries to-go,

Plus throw that Diet Coke",

The whole time my eyes are pointed straight,

And for another five minutes my ass would wait,

Of all the currency in all the states,

Nickels is what she used to pay,

She chose nickels and to this day,

I remember this dumb bitch and her stupid face

You couldn't have gone to, like, a coin machine or something before coming here?

We're at a fucking McDonalds for fuck's sake you think they wanna sort your change?

Broke-ass car-lady this is your jam,

Nod your head, if you can,

Broke-ass car-lady this is your tune,

Get your ass a car that really zooms,

Broke-ass car-lady this is your rhyme,

Stop using change you're wasting my time,

Broke-ass car-lady this is your year,

Maybe by the end you'll learn to steer,

Fuck. She just hit the curb pretty fucking hard there, holy shit, the suspension's probably just absolutely destroyed. I'm surprised that thing runs at all, really, um... That's fucking insane. Good on you, broke-ass car-lady, good on you. Eat your fucking burgers.