All flash and no substance.
You failed to capture the true spirit of the Flying Battery Zone, and the approach you use seems schizophrenic. The background beat you used suggests that you want to try and go for an angle that captures the fast-paced, high energy, twitch reaction atmosphere of the Flying Battery. However, this directly contradicts the use of the softer instruments and lack of emphasis put on the main chorus. The main chorus, at least for the original song, was the most striking, in-your-face aspect of the song that delivered the ferocity and speed of the song and pulled it together.