I see what you're trying to do here, but dynamics doesn't work if the hips are that straigt and stiff, also, please, try another ways for coloring and shading hair, it doesn't look like hair, hair is not like flat... it has movement and the light is not a simple stroke.

My recommendations: Look for some references of hair highlights to learn the behavior of light in that superfice, it could be diffucult to learn, but it would look great once you learn it!

That's all, keep practicing! :)