This piece has something intriguing in it though I first was a bit confused with it. Maybe it's the story you wrote that threw me into the scene!
There're some details that I would've fixed before inking, like size of Ron's head and how old Harry and Frodo look. Those are minor things next to all the good things though! I really like how you draw fabrics for example! There're loads of other details too which look really nice, like the chessboard, and also pretty nice color palette used. The veil could have more depth perhaps... So that it was clearer that it's another world there.
You're on the right path with it for sure! :)
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