I like shields. Never really understood why though.

I remember when I first played a dark souls game. It was dark souls 2 and I didn't get it. I hated it at first cause I was terrible. I didn't think you could level up, I kept dying from low-tier enemies, I kept loosing massive amounts of souls, in which hurt my own and the experience was similar to me slamming my face into a wall in a poor effort to break it down.

Initially, my reaction was that the game was a medieval styled game in which was not impressive as most games I had bought with a medieval aesthetic were mostly mediocre or worse.

The game was recommended to me by a friend and I told him about my horrid experience and he assured me that everybody had gone through the same issue or "experience" and the moment you break through; an appreciation incomparable to others is found and nothing but bliss continues.

Before getting the game I kept telling that guy and many others friends about how I had lost faith in video games. Nothing overly dramatic, I still played a lot of enjoyable video games and there was many exceptions but I felt a hole. As if something was missing. I kept complaining about how maybe I am the problem, that I have grown out of video games and maybe it was a part of becoming an adult. I knew this to be a talked about epiphany some adults have during their young adulthood and it hurt me cause I had put all my eggs into that basket. My life revolved around video games and as depressing as it sounds, my life was video games.

For months I spent days thinking about the perfect game and how it would be designed. I knew it would be difficult but rewarding, similar to a fighting game where the mentality is about knowing the flow of the battle instead of mashing buttons to no negative effects. I knew it had to be visually interesting, where progress meant that you, as a player would witness something worth the effort you put in to see it. I thought story was unimportant unless you wish to seek it. I hated to read in games so I spent a lot of time thinking of how to improve storytelling but I found it generally unimportant overall and never really succeeded figuring out a method of storytelling fitting my needs and ironically, the friend who told me about Dark Souls 2 kept telling me that DS2 is what I'm looking for, and I kept telling him it wasn't. "I don't care about knights in shining armor and dragons and stupid lord of the ring shit", and he kept saying that it wasn't all about that but he was very determined to not spoil anything so he wouldn't explain why it was great other than the fact that it has what I'm looking for.

After getting the game, going through the wall-smashing headaches, slowly progressing through the game with a very slow pace and a determined mind, I realized that this is what I've been looking for. This is it. It's here, it's perfect. it's better than perfect and a lot better than I ever expected. It was kinda depressing too, as I thought for a long time that I would be the person to re-vigor my love for video games by being the creator of the game in my head and as I played DS2, I realized that this is the game in my head but I million times better. As egocentric as that sounds (and probably is), I thought I was special. I thought nobody else saw what I saw. I was also meagerly annoyed while playing it, as I had to slowly realize that there are people out there whom made my magnum opus better than I ever could have. I was defeated but content with it.

It was one of the best experiences I have had in my life and it was nothing short of perfect. I played the un-updated Xbox360 version as a mace and shield wielder with a weak pyromancy back-up glove and the coolest looking character I could make.

To this day, hearing the Majula theme spurs inconceivable joy but as much as I enjoyed a perfect experience, it came to an end and with that end; a luring sadness arose as what once was is no longer there. The amount of factors that increased my enjoyment of the experience are far to many to encapsulate again. Maybe one day I will find another game to fulfill my desires but as my hole has been filled, a new hole arose with higher expectations and again I find myself looking for something to fulfill my aching existence with bliss.

Yet, as one day the fire will fade, I hope to be one to keep it burning if only a little longer.