D-ray: ...So?

Dr.Neil: Your results came back, and everything is completely fine.

D-ray: My blood?

Dr.Neil: Yes, your blood is also in perfect condition, nothing is wrong either.

D-ray: Urine?

Dr.Neil: Mr. D-ray, as I have just told you, EVERYTHING is in perfect condition, however I do have to request that next time you get asked for urine samples, do only supply the amount you're told to. We have no use for such a huge amount of urine-filled jars, and it is becoming a pain to dispose of them.

D-ray: I have too many in stock, I gotta use them in some way...

Dr.Neil: Keep that to yourself, please.

D-ray giggles like a moron

D-ray: Ok, sorry…

Dr.Neil: However, Mr. D-ray, I have to inform you that I might have found the reason for your back pain.

D-ray: Yeah I already know, I don't move enough and stuff. But, guys, I don't have that much time to go outdoors and do sports. I have a job and... I have to... dedicate myself to my hobbie... and uhh-

Dr.Neil: Mr. D-ray, while your lack of proper physical exercise is part of it, there might be another anomaly that's causing you pain.

D-ray: What… kind of "anomaly"?

Dr.Neil pulls out a reflex hammer and proceeds to hit D-ray’s knee with a strong blow

D-ray: …

Dr.Neil: Mr.D-ray, are you feeling any pain?

D-ray: Weirdly enough, n- AUGH! CA***!!!

Dr.Neil: Right. So this confirms my theory.

D-ray: What the hell happened?! Why didn't I feel anything at first?!

Dr.Neil: Well, while not 100% confirmed, after reading your clinical folder I have come up with the theory that this anomaly is caused not by any new injuries, but by an old injury.

D-ray: An old injury…? How old exactly?

Dr.Neil: According to your medical history, you've suffered a 'ballistic injury' around three years ago, which required an operation to be done on your back.

D-ray: (Ballistic… injury…) …the failed assassination attempt during the conflict?

Dr.Neil raises his eyebrow

Dr.Neil: Beats me, Mr. D-ray. I cannot remember the backstory of how every patient I've had in the past three years ended up in the hospital, also it is not specified in your medical record.

D-ray: Yeah yeah of course, it was just a… rhetorical question…

Dr.Neil: You see, the doctor who operated on you at that time had to perform a specific, experimental surgery known as "os redivivus", which consists in reusing the broken or damaged bone structure in need of surgery to fix the injury itself.

D-ray: In layman’s terms? Is not like I was conscious after getting shot in the back…

Dr.Neil: In other words, your spinal cord had suffered severe damage, caused by a "sparklier shooter", and you were really close to death. That's where Dr. Carcano, the doctor in charge of your operation, reconstructed your spinal cord with the melted remains of such, saving your life, as it is stated in your medical record.

D-ray: So… “Dr.Carcano”, basically taped my spine back with the remains of my own spine?

Dr.Neil: That's exactly it.

D-ray: Ok but what’s the deal with my retarded pain reaction? And why only NOW I have it?

Dr.Neil: The melted remains of your spinal cord were still radioactive due to the shooter’s rounds, and eventually mutated the marrow to grow inside and outside your spine, causing interferences with the nervous system.

Dr.Neil shows D-ray an old x-ray scan that pulls out from his medical folder

Dr.Neil: Also, the issue was permanent after the surgery, but you very likely never had a situation in which you felt strong pain in order to experience the retard, as only severe feelings of physical pain are slowly filtered through the tightened up nerves in your spine, while smaller ones pass with no problem

D-ray: Ah… is there like a way to… “fix it”?

Dr.Neil: I’m afraid not.

D-ray: I see…

Dr.Neil crosses his arms in silence

D-ray: But I’m not like… DYING because of this, right?

Dr.Neil: Luckily, the marrow can't continue to grow since it's fully mutated, so a death by peripheral neuropathy is not possible.

D-ray: That’s rather good, I think… (...in your face Fortuna.) 

Dr.Neil: However, while you cannot die from your mutated spine, you can still die from everything that may cause you severe pain, like a mutilation, internal bleeding, or another ballistic injury, as you might not notice such damage due to pain retardation.

D-ray: Well that makes… sense. I’ll be even more careful then.

Dr.Neil gives D-ray a gentle pat on the shoulder and puts away the various files pulled out from the medical folder

D-ray: Soo… I can go now? I don’t owe you anything because of “non-extensive medical check-ups” thing, right?

Dr.Neil: That’s correct, this check-up is free.

D-ray: Ay thanks doc... (...I knew that this guy was good.)

Dr.Neil: Oh, and before I leave, please make sure to check every now and then for any injuries, for there might not always be a doctor present to help you. 

D-ray: As long as it's still free... sure.

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Thanks to @Akumanorobin for letting me use Dr.Neil and for his work on the script!