Look, I’m not one for gossip, but I’ve heard too much talk around the tavern not to catch a word or two about the whole thing. Bob’s had it real rough. Lost his job at the packinghouse, family are all saucerers so they disowned him, brother died in some kinda beefaroni accident, wife left him for a wyvern. So he just wastes his days away pounding back ale after ale in here until he stumbles outside.

Every patron has tripped over him at least once. I’d fully cut him off if laying around on the street wasn’t the only passtime the man has left in his life. Such a sad state. I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t end up on me to clean bean goo off the stoop every other night. He keeps drunkenly using his magic to open all his cans and they explode everywhere.

Oh, why? Didn’t you hear? His wife took the can opener in the divorce.

Special thanks to Dylan Walters for the prompt!

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