Originally made on November 4th, 2022.

I didn't want to post this image immediately before taking a hiatus as I feel a lot of people online would have taken it the wrong way. I'm in a slightly better place now as things stand.

The rest of this post is essentially an explanation on what I've been doing the past 3 months I've been gone. I'm not looking for the internet to be my therapist, so leaving a vote and / or favorite is all you need to do, if feeling obligated.

So for some context about this piece and why I made it:

This character's name is Faye, or Hope Faraday, who was for a webcomic I've been trying to make called Hell Bound. Hell Bound, as things stand, is extremely directionless in where I wanna take it or what I want it to be about. I was kicking around ideas about mental health, faith, letting the past dictate your future, what being able to read minds would actually be like, etc, all the while having a monster-of-the-week type format where Faye and Joshua (her big, violent, but loving caregiver that occasionally dispenses wisdom) would remove demons from where they lived.

This drawing was one of the moments originally envisioned for it where Faye has a breakdown in a public bathroom, realizing the futility of her predicament. Somewhat minor plot spoilers, she figures out that she is one of the main reasons demons keep appearing in her town, and that most of her closest friends, are all working to make sure this perpetuates as long as it can, for different reasons. In order for things to stop permanently, however, her "psychic link" would need to be severed, which would not only lose her connection to Joshua, but also disconnect most of her emotions and feelings from her also. She would essentially lose a part of her humanity in doing this.

That's all background stuff on ideas, but now to talk about what is clearly the most important thing in the universe, myself. (/s)

Whenever I first drew the sketch, I was jobless, broke, and was working on moving out of my apartment at the time. I was living with my youngest sister and her husband, and I had just shared the news that I had been mostly jobless for about 6 months, unable to hold anything down longer than a week. Regardless of where I worked, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety anywhere I applied or stayed. To my surprise, they were very understanding, and worked to let me move out by November, while I worked temporarily at an Amazon Warehouse. My dad even assisted in helping me move despite not being on the best speaking terms with him.

However, this was only the start of problems that would plague me even up until today. While in the process of moving stuff over to my new roommate's apartment, I noticed a lot of issues there, namely cleanliness. An overflowing cat litter box, garbage everywhere, constantly unwashed dishes, laundry that's either always dirty or unfolded, ROACHES, tons and tons of roaches in every part of the house, etc etc. Their place was, and still is in certain spots, absolutely disgusting. While it's significantly better now, it's still not anywhere near what I'd consider acceptable.

If your thought reading this is, "why didn't you consider moving in with someone else," I did. However, given my options, this was the best out of all of them.

-If I'm not fighting with my dad about what I do in my free time, I'm feeling pressed under his thumb for debts that aren't his to pay, his rules, his authority, all the while he lives off of a fixed Social Security income where I know now I'd be forced to pay a large majority of. My relationship with my dad is a bit complicated to say the least.

-My mom is not much better. (Yes yes, divorced parents, make your jokes) This was the same woman that when I was growing up called me the son of Lucifer, and constantly told me not only how much I looked like my dad, but also how evil and manipulative he was while we were together. When she actually learned that I was jobless, she kept trying to rope me into "opportunities" for work, but never actually suggesting places that were hiring for my skill level, or that wouldn't put me on a waiting list of some kind. Maybe I'm just autistic or something, but I prefer a straight forward "you're hired / you're not hired" as opposed to that shit.

-My youngest sister was moving with her husband back into the Husband's Parent's house. They didn't want me moving in also. Them's the breaks, I guess.

-I had previously attempted living with my oldest sister, and I was constantly being hounded to find a job, which inadvertently made searching for work really hard, especially when she was qualified for unemployment checks, but I wasn't. This was at the start of 2020, btw, where unemployment hit an all time high.

Despite ALL OF THAT, as soon as I moved out of state to my new apartment (which wasn't even that far, it was 4 hours from everyone else, literally an afternoon drive), I was consistently called or harassed by my family for either debts that I literally couldn't pay since I had just moved and needed to look for work again, or asking when I would be moving back. There was a complete lack of faith in my own ability to try and make a better life for myself. Despite the well wishes they were probably meaning to send, instead I felt total isolation from my family instead.

When I started my new job, finally, you wanna know the first thing they asked for was? A fucking discount at the store I was working at. Wonderful, really, I love that's the value I bring to them.

The isolation isn't just my family and growing troubles with them, but also at my new apartment. Since moving in, I've felt less and less that I was the same friend to my roommates whom I'd visited several times prior. I would never get invited to whatever activity they were getting up to, be it going to an arcade or a sit down restaurant, and would usually just be kept to myself wondering what they're up to. The thing that really irks me over this, is that they continue to do this stuff with other people that get invited over, but don't bother asking me to join. I clean the apartment and make sure all the trash goes out, but I guess when it comes to the fun shit, leave ole boy Xamus out of it.

Truth be told, I really don't know what's gonna happen next, but I'm in a better position now than I was 3 months ago. My new job has been okay, I've been planning some resolutions that so far haven't been broken, and in a matter of time, I'm hoping to get most of these issues resolved. What I need right now, however, is time, patience, and a bunch of money, which it feel like everyone else in my life seems to be out of all 3. But the money will come; as long as I can wake up on time for work.

No, I'm not asking for donations, fuck that, I wanna work for my keep. Commission me instead, nerd, my messages are open.

(But really, I'd greatly appreciate it.)