Part 4/6 of "From Emerald to Hesa", a collection of poems and artwork paired together, started about 1.5 years or so ago. Figured now was as good a time as any to wrap them up! So, the poem for this piece:

It curls up into a ball of burnt fur, 

And takes up all the space in my chest 

At least I know that with it there,

I'll never be alone

What we had was built from the inside-out

We shared all our deepest secrets first,

And never shared the simple facts

This is where that gets us

you dipped your toes into the bay 

when I was still a time-sensitive ghost  

you never had to tell me that you shattered the surface, 

but you did, 

because you were too weak to survive the guilt 

I'll gather all of the meaning

And store it safely in piles and hordes 

We can bury the hatchet, but I'll have to mark the spot

In defense

If the day will come when I need it again

Hide me from him,

But my shadow’s soaked in you like a tattoo

Was I not worth saying 'no' for?

And I don't need your fucking help to dig deep,

To find disgust in bitmaps and filters 

I don't want to get back, 

I just want to get out 

I am going to bastardize the words

I once considered to be sacred

turns out no one else thought the same,

so I will feed the thrills

Peak, peak, cave in again, it’s addiction’s grip

I’ve made myself numb to inspiration

Your spotted cousin has come back

To Our old hiding place the past few weeks

And I'm waiting for the chance to get her in a bear trap, 

Overkill

As it is, to take her home and give her love

Then tear something more important than her heart

From her ribs 

I have the chemicals 

To ease this shame, 

My filmic strips 

Just millisecond images, 

A distorted breath 

And why should I leave the light on for someone 

Who can't even tell me she's coming back?

I’ve lived with blasphemy of recovery

I survived it then, I’ll do it again

that small green dot 

By your name was what I looked for every day,

like that great icon of longing

Who could have thought 

That the pet would carry the abandoning 

In her mouth, right to the master? 

Every morning that I get on the train,

it draws the skyline like a curtain

streaks of color without shyness,

and I know you're out there 

but it's time to let all of the guilt go,

To allow the anger its way out

And serve its caustic will once more

before the cleansing comes

It's okay to have to do this on my own,

Because we have the memento stored here

The truth has never set me free,

and I'm wondering if it would be best

For me to now reclaim my title as the bridge burner 

Raze it all, 

and reduce our den to ash on the shoreline

This is closure,

this is damnation,

this is all the evidence I could ever need

If I’m ever in the same room as you,

It’s because the degradation of age

Took its toll and enacted its amnesiac agent

Shedding skin,

And all the things I thought I could never change

But I have to remember what I said then:

What’s done is done

What’s done is done