Update on his situation, for those who dont know he has been diagnosed with Motor Neuron Disease, lost significant function, can thankfully still use an mouse, talk, and his face is seemingly unaffected, they have an estimate of 5 years which is hopeful since thats the "maximum" estimate which i would think theyre allowed to give someone, and considering his age and symptom onset he's viable for the 10+ years area, but of course no one can be sure, sometimes theres rapid progression, long plateaus, and minor remissions. But the more time he has the more chance of effective treatments or cures, and accessibility functions like neuralink. 

The most unbelievable part is that statistically in the entire country he is the only person his age with his particular manifestation, and it happens right when we both start to love ourselves enough to look to complete ourselves with each other.

Anyway he's finally out of the hospital after more than 2 months, and transferred to a neuro care home where he has more dedicated resources for physio, speech, psych, food, etc, and privacy, and he's expected to be there for 2 months. Currently he tells me that he's happy, and is still the same person as always, he seems like the least scared, worried, depressed, or upset person involved, though he gets anxious sometimes. He's being looked after and doesnt have to worry about never being cared for again. Though after this, hes going to have to stay with his parents which he isnt happy about, but we do have intentions of taking him other places, but again we dont know how this is going to play out. 

Personally im on more of an upward emotional trend, still have bad days and worse days, but im more the way i was before all this started than i was a month ago. I still get the thoughts of why this has to happen, why him, why when i start trying to get involved with other people and advance my life to a new stage, can i pray it away, is this a test, if i offer the right things can it be enough, how am i going to manage another 5 years, whats my life going to look like by then, should i believe that we can have a normal life, this has to be a mistake, its not like we asked for anything absurd, he doesnt deserve it, he's been through enough, i need to do this and that, theres nothing i can do, i should focus on strengthening myself for his sake, should i talk about it with him, do i keep it to myself with a fake smile, am i making him feel guilty... all these types of thoughts i have written in a grief journal, they were extremely present at the start but now theres a revisiting of thoughts.

I just want us to have a mundane life, why is that so much to ask