"Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier, and welcome (back) to (Let's Play) [game name]!" (Original intro from 2012 to 2013 before excluding "Let's Play")
""And as always, I will see yooouuu in the next video! BUH BYEEE!" (Outro)"
AAAAHHAHAHAHAHHHHH!!!"
"I am TOO PRO!"
"MY NAME IS MARKIPLIER! MY NAME IS MARKIPLIER!!!" (Markiplier warms up for 5 minutes.)
"AGGHGHHGHAH!!!"
"FPPSHSHPPOW!"
"I'M SO STRONG/TOUGH/BRAVE/HANDSOME/SMART!"
"I'm not scared. Not even a little bit." (Invariably said at the start of videos.)
"Okay, now I'm scared. I'M SCARED!" (Invariably follows the above quote.)
"Hello Baaaby." (Said to any non-corpse/monster female encountered. Commonly said to the angel statues in Amnesia: The Dark Descent, and its custom stories.)
"A-ha! Chair!"
"I don't even know what he did, I don't even care!"
"Wade!!!"
"Fwip-Fwop!"
"Wait a minute... (When he notices something in a puzzle that was in his face all the time. Usually followed by an "Oh, god damnit! I'm an idiot!"
"SHUT UP NURSE! I'M A DOCTOR; OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT'S BEST!"
If I didn't want to stay the first night, why would I stay anymore than FIVE?"
"NO NO NO NO NO(when he accidentally gets Ashley killed in his until dawn playlist"
"AHHH! HE'S STILL THERE!"
"I AM THE KING... OF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S!"
"FLOOF THE HAIR! FOR POWER!!!"
"YAY! We're gonna BANG SEXICLES!!!"
"Yo, guys! D**kbag Mc-D**Ksucker here, with another WAPPY ZAPPY LET'S PLAY! WELCOME BACK TO MARIO MAKER, GUYS! WHOPEEE!!!"
"BESTIALITY?! I DON'T WANT THAT ACHIEVEMENT!"
"I'm so boned!"
"Red light. Green light!"
"Not happy fun times."
"F**k-a you, exams!"
"Why can't I computer!! (Bashes head into keyboard multiple times) Why!!!"
"Yup. Jumpscares Galore."
"Holy Balls!"
"Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eyed Joe."
"Where'd I come from, where'd I go? Where the f**k did the video go?" (Playing on VR, having not remembered where the camera was but still having the VR headset on.)
"F**k you and everything you care about."
"I will first shake his hand for making such an awesome custom story, and then I'll PUNCH HIM IN THE D**K!...I'll punch them in the d**k so hard they'll become women!... 'Now I'll get all of my fans go to your house and HOLD YOU DOWN while I punch you in the d**k."
D**k Punching Party!!!"
"Press 'B' to blow!"
"Holy Hell!"
"I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah!"
"That thing likes to scream in my ear."
"AAHH! That is a beast of legend!" (Labyrinth)
"Warfstache don't take no s**t from no one."
"Thank you so much."
"I'm rambling on again."
"Sound is everything in a game."
"Bull! BULLLLL!!!!"
"What is going oAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"I boosh you!"
"I'm King of the Squirrels!!!"
"HAAAAABUSKI!!!"
"I'm like the face of Cheez-It!"
"Ahhh, piss!"
"Do I need to press B to Blow? I've mastered my B to Blow Skillz."
"Love is apparently Candy Crush." (MARKIPLIER LOVES YOU | HuniePop #1)
"Missing a testicle, but I gained a penis." (Happy Wheels Highlights #80)
"Wade you ass bag" (GTA 5 Online With Markiplier & JackSepticeye Part 1: Yep We're All Dead)
"I'm a strong independent woman, WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN!" (Whenever he plays a female character in any game)
"BOXESSS!!!!!!!!!" (Whenever he sees boxes, particularly in Garry's Mod with Yamimash)
"WHEREEEES THE BLAAACKSMIITH?!"
"Doooooooon't....moooooooovvvveeee, Chealsey...don't....moooooooove..."
"I CAN FEEL THE TREES!" (Slender: The Arrival)
"NO THANK YOU. I DON'T WANT ANY." (Often screamed when faced with a monster.)
"Goodie goodie gumdrops."
"POOF!"
"Alright alright alriiight! You gon' learn today!"
"Little piggy no no, little piggy go home!" (Outlast & Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs)
"Open the door, get on the floor, everybody do the dinosaur!"
"Those are people!, Those are people!, I'm gonna go say hi to the people!"
"JESUS CHIRSTMAS PISS POTATOES." (HARDER THAN QWOP | Go Home You're Drunk)
"I saw a triangular rock, I thought... ohhhh." (Brilliant Plan, S**t Execution | Prop Hunt Ep. 19 Feat Jack, Mark, and Yami)
"Brick'd in the d**kl!"
"God dingus dammit!"
"Poopy Poopy in my pants!"
"I know... I KNOW Balloon Boy, you're a d**k. I get it! Remind me to punch you in the face ten times more then usual!" (Five Nights at Freddy's 3, after encountering Phantom BB)
"AAAHOW WHAT THE F**K?" (When Toy Bonnie "scans" the Freddy mask for the first time)
"Everything's good about my head, except my face," (Pewds, Mark, Jack + Ken - Face Swap Live!)
"NOT PRO ENOUGH... I'm pro enough I'm the most pro that ever proed! You don't know how much pro I pro!"
"Suck me? That's hardly a punishment." (MARK'S AMAZING VOICE | Golf With Friends (ft Markiplier & JackSepticEye)
"#longassproblems" (Markiplier Highlights #36)
"The key card is on my butt!" (Don't Spill Your Coffee)
"This is going to be an Ass blasting bitcheloid."
"Take your cupcake and ram it up your butt."
"FUCKING COCK!!"
"SPONSOR EAGLE!!"
"WHY DO I WANT DANCY PANTS TO BE MAD AT ME?!?"
"DanaNanaNaNan BALLORA. DanaNanaNanaNan Don't kill me. BaNaNANANANANUNN... SNEAKING..."
"This time I'm not gonna be a bag of asses and this time I'm gonna get Oblong Obelisk Oscar and do a thing."
"Like most things in your life, replace your mistakes with frosting." (FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S GIANT CUPCAKE ft Markiplier - NERDY NUMMIES)
"VERY, VERY FRIGHTENING ME. HOLY SHIT... HOLY FUCK... I'm dead."
"You jiggle a lot, which is something I appreciate."
"Where's the grabber dick?" (Who's Your Daddy?")
" You guys are such fools, you guys are such dumbs, I can't believe what you're doing that with those guns, man you're all really stupid!" (said in the tone of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" in You're A Goddamn Liar! | Prop Hunt Ep. 24)
"Why do you have to qualify? Why do you gotta- Uh oh." (Wade's Ultimate Sacrifice | Prop Hunt Ep.22 W/Jack, Mark, and Jack)
"Everything's random and what you do doesn't matter because the outcome is you're gonna live and then you're gonna die! Hopefully in the middle, you'll have sex somewhere."
"I need to not make noise cuz he is blind and can only hear me, so (proceeds to accidentally smash crate loudly) ...I'm gonna die so hard."
"You saggy-balled-saggy-boobed pile of of of of of of mmmmmm-MARKIPLIER MUCUS!"
"Come on, give me something hard! ...Don't give me something hard please."
"Ah alas the sweet prince gone from this world... died like the little b***h he was."
"You're F**k You The Red Nose D**ker Basket!" (Oh Sir!! The Insult Simulator)
"You you.......you-y-y-you look like a................you-F**K YOU!" (Oh Sir!! The Insult Simulator)
"Learn to insult?! I already know how to insult! You smarthy cuck wuged! ... What the f**k." (Oh Sir!! The Insult Simulator)
"Imma expunge the b***hish nature out of my body. Go into badma- badmass mode. Badass Markiplier Mode! Also known as "badmass mode."
"I'm zip zapping, I'm zappy wapping! Nobody's gonna get me when I'm zaptastic!"
"Who disturbs the dead? Uhh... me? My name is Markiplier. Professional Dead Disturber."
"Hey, I'm a soup kinda guy." (Hitogotchi)
"I'm a giggly bitch by nature." (Try not to Laugh Challenge #2)
"Penguins don't chose the pancake life." (The Whisper Challenge #5)
"When I look at your lips, I only see penis!" (The Whisper Challenge #5)
"I didn't even get to be eaten by a spider, which was always my dream!" (Undertale Live - Part 5)
"I just ate that snowman's dick." (Undertale Live - Part 6)
"I thought the last minute encouragement would've made you not be a bag of dicks." (Right Click to Necromance)
"Well I got caught with my d**k out! F**k me then." (Five Nights at Freddy's Sister Location - Custom Night - Part 2)
"This is not what I've thought you're gonna do. I thought you're gonna start sucking my dick."
"I've been ready for the cringe my whole god damn life. My whole life has been a cringe fest."
"One boob and a ass make a whole woman." (CHANGE)
"Do not pour that on me... it's colder than water." (EGGNOG ICE BATH)
"-And if you don't, I will shove my funny foot up your mother loving behind, you crazy boys!"
"I've got a D, but that's doesn't help me." (Mirror Layers)
"I should've eaten that asshole!" (RANDOM CHANCE HATES ME!! | The Bear's Black Heart)
"I FART EVEN MORE, GOD DAMN IT!" (RANDOM CHOICE HATES ME!! | The Bear's Black Heart
"Is that it's eyeballs or it's ass?!" (Astroneer | Part 2 | DEATH BY HABOOB)
"Stop humping my face." (FREE ROAM FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S 2 | Overnight 2 Redux)
"Champion hole filler!" (Improv Funny Moments)
"My grandpappy used to tell me "I love balls!" (Improv Funny Moments)
"You wanna share the ass ramming experience." (BREAKING MARKIPLIER'S BACK | Friend Yoga)
"Thank you. I have nothing." (RIGHT)
"Hello ice cream, my name is Markiplier and welcome to my mouth." (RIGHT)
"Tastes like ink and blood mixed together." (WHAT IF DISNEY WENT BAD...? | Bendy & The Ink Machine)
"Who's laughing now? ...I don't think anyone's laughing..." (WHAT IF DISNEY WENT BAD...? | Bendy & The Ink Machine)
"Oh!" (pretends to be scared/startled when Bendy suddenly appears)
"I don't give a F**K. What the color of your skin is, I don't care what religion you believe in, I don't care where you've come from and where you are now. All I care about is who you are." (RESPECT)
"I'll make your booty go honk baby." (NOTHING BUT DICKS | Cards Against Humanity w/Bob, Wade, Jack)
"I am a lost soul on the wind. When you stand for something, you find that you stand alone and this hat & I share the same soul. We are the same. (Markiplier's February Charity Livestream)
"HAVE I EVER looked better than I do in this hat in this moment?!" (Markiplier's February Charity Livestream)
"I'll start inserting things into my ass." (SCARY SPOOKY MARKIPLIERS | Prop Hunt #42)
"Hey baby, nice cow ass." (NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT THIS EITHER... | Mr. Massagy - Part 2)
"Espresso in my ass." (Don't Tax Me, Bro!)
"If you love your children, throw them into the deep end of the pool." (Tyler's First Edit)
"I've got a purple alien key & I'm going to stuck it in any purple slot that I see... sorry." (Subnautica | Part 54 | FINDING THE ALIEN CACHE!!)
"Hey you don't have to explain kawoosh to me. I kawoosh at home alone every night." (MARKIPLIER, MASTER OF SEDUCTION... | Mr. Massagy - Part 3 (ENDING)
"Apparently, I don't know how to flirt with a pillow..." (MARKIPLIER, MASTER OF SEDUCTION | Mr. Massagy - Part 3 (ENDING)
"I want the biggest bird you can find! I want it, all over me! (NIGHTMARE ON SESAME STREET | Alphabet Lane)
"I did it, I dabbed. Am I hip with the kids now?" (BEST FRIENDS FOREVER | Five Nights with 39)
"Big bubble blowing baby over there." (BEST FRIENDS FOREVER | Five Nights with 39)
"A boogie woogie woogie woo motherf**ker." (BEST FRIENDS FOREVER | Five Nights with 39)
"I'm not dying, I'm going live!" (I GOTTA LIVE)
"Amy is just an absolute inspiration to me every single day." (Markiplier Going on TOUR!?)
"Anti is that you? Are you glitching up the weather up there?" (MONO.exe)
"Oh hey! Were those always there? Hello! Hi Sam, how're you? (GO TO SLEEP... | Five Nights at Candy's 3 - Part 1)
I'm a creative little girl with no eyeballs." (GO TO SLEEP | Five Nights at Candy's 3 - Part 1)
"I didn't expect you to be there you douche nozzle." (THE DYNAMIC DUO | Five Nights At Candy 3 - Part 3)
"The most amazing thing isn't that I've helped people or that I've saved lives, I hear that all the time. I still doubt that, but the most amazing thing is that you guys saved me." (I Feel Lost)
"Alright, who's the penis?" (THIS WILL PROBABLY BE BANNED | GMod Prop Hunt #43)
"Oh you can become a dick?! (THIS WILL PROBABLY GET BANNED | Prop Hunt #43)
F**k you & f**k me... ugh, but not in that order." (SCREAMING MY LUNGS OUT!! | ToyBox)
"This room is a bang free zone!" (WHO IS THE PUPPET? | Five Nights At Candy's 3 - Part 5)
"Hitler never had a pepis!" (WOULD YOU LIKE A NICE COLD PEPIS?!)
"Where's the giant red dildo? COME ON! Dil-do or dil-don't?" (A SCARE FROM THE PAST | Slender: Adrift)
"Haha! I beat your syst- Aww, f**k." (A SCARE FROM THE PAST | Slender: Adrift)
"A rock? My ancestors used to ride these babies for miles." (A SCARE FROM THE PAST | Slender: Adrift)
"BAP BAP BAP WHY ARE YOU NOT BAPPING?!" (Bendy And The Ink Machine: Chapter 2)
"Nice feet, you loser." (Bendy And The Ink Machine: Chapter 2)