R-net 1: bliss by ATimesThree on Newgrounds

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R-net 1: bliss

ignorance can be a bitch.

note: I don't have anything against @shadok, I just thought it was funny how their logo looked like an upside-down lambda.

revised version can be found here: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/atimesthree/r-net-1-bliss-revision-2

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realMrPerson

2024-01-14 19:13:35

This is kinda trash

Text is somewhat unreadable, art is kinda meh (like is it stickfigures or something), the joke doesnt make much sense nor there was no punchline, stuff just kinda happens etc.

For improvements, I recommend you dont make the speech bubbles like that, make em look like all the same with the same size (like this (https://images.app.goo.gl/ykEjAH8Zz9XBFzEU8), have the punchline make sense and be smooth (and also dont do "tell not show" do "show dont tell" refering to the 3rd panel in the comic) the good example of how the comic would go well will be like:

1st panel: "Hey man" "yo whats up"
2nd panel: "you see that guy over there? "Yeah"
3rd panel: "that dude with the gun and the lambda on his head, he is gonna kill that dude"
4rd panel: "bruh that isnt even a lambda, thats a goat."

Ik that you might be a beginner, but you can improve! Trial and error until you get it right.

Overall 3.7/10

ATimesThree responds:

the joke was meant to be about how more and more artists have either come out (shadok) or have been called out (cryaotic), to the point of it being equally as common at this point.

the lambda had nothing to do with the joke. probably should have not written that.

as for the style, text legibility, delivery, and readability, yeah that needs some work.