I don't mean to sound intrusive if I do (I really hope I don't), but was it really that quiet at the dinner table with only the sound of the clock ticking away? Because that really gave me a similar feeling of anxiety to what you probably had (except it must have been ten times worse for you).
As someone who is trans fem but has a supportive family, this really shows me why you shouldn't encourage someone to come out if they don't feel like they should. But, it also gave me a perspective from someone who doesn't have a supportive family, something I've never really seen before.
Since it feels awkward for me to leave it like this, I guess I'll say I'm glad that your life has gotten better since then, and thank you for sharing your story.
Sorry for dragging on.