I don't mind expositing the story through a narrator, but by having active dialogue beneath it at the same time is a big no-no...it becomes difficult to focus when two people are speaking at once, and it happens often enough that its easy to lose interest. Its like having an audio book playing in the background that you can't stop while you're trying to figure out whats happening visually.
Either pause the narration in between the characters lines, or completely separate them from each other. It won't clutter it up for the audience.
The character animation looked great, its a shame this ain't finished but at least you put yourself out there with a proof of concept. I'd like to this continued! Lets see what happens. Let the audience find out who this girl is, what this place is, the significance of the heiroglyphs, and actively involve the audience in the discovery of this mysterious, bandaged entity.
It would be valuable to practice SHOWING the audience these things...show, don't tell. You're dabbling with a visual media, and you don't want to bore your audience with the silky smooth (well voice acted) narration... think about how you could visually interpret EVERYTHING that narration talked about. Try condensing the dialogue, y'know?
Hope that helps. Keep up the great work.