Reviews for Beyond Darkness

[shad0wpyra]

I would like to start this out by saying I am an aspiring writer and I have messed with flash and other programs used to create games, so I know its tough and time consuming to create even the smallest of works of art.

With that being said there is a lot of potential for this flash work and if your going to stick it in the game section you should take into consideration your target audience. Games should be a little more in-gauging, story should really be more catching and draw a player in to enjoy the development of a character, this "visual novel" felt it would be better suited as a squeal rather then a stand alone or however you have it set up.

Now on to good points. Really enjoyed the music and the art is decant if could use a little polishing. If you have any friend that are good with art give them a character design and have them help you or see if the veterans on newgrounds would lend you a hand. As Fubaka suggested take a look at what other artist are doing and learn from them. Especially ones that have a lot of titles and majority a 3 star or higher. Good day and hope to see more work from you.

[Fubaka]

If there's one word that I get out of this story, it is Potential.

At the very end of the Blue Pill ending, I could trace a hint of the powerful emotions that must have been running through you when you wrote this story, and you tried your best to convey them effectively here. There is great potential for questions the reader could ponder regarding the moral decisions (if indeed decisions they were) that some of the characters made.

However, you are still an amateur in terms of writing, and as such, much of the story suffers from overused emotional and plot-based conventions, especially during the scenes where Luna is being bullied.

The biggest problem, however, is that this story simply doesn't have enough time and space to flesh out the drama and relationships the way you might want it to. I would highly recommend that this be rewritten and expanded on. My biggest point of advice, however, would be to simply absorb more of other peoples' work. Find the best stories in your chosen field, and find out how they work, and why they work.

A valiant effort, says I, and as such, my eye is now on you henceforth.

[NikitaDevelops]

I had to force myself to finish it, I got so bored:/ There's still a few spelling mistakes and the characters look like they've been copied from an anime but re-drawn on paint..
But practice makes perfect.. Soooo... Carry on. I guess xD

Dark06Star responds:

Hmmm thanks? Lol

And yes I do use character models, Im not a professional artist.

[DeathIdol]

delisious is spelled delicious.
hanged up the phone should be hung up the phone, or hung the phone up.
pase is spelled pace.
the teacher mentioned Maya's last name when it wasn't told to him.
you spelled acciednt... need I tell you what is wrong with that?
that act of her should read act of her's

I didn't finish the game, story, thing... Have other things to do. The story seems pretty good. The drawings need some work but they are good enough for the story. Music was fitting. Found some typos as you can guess from above, I wouldn't be surprised if there were more. But chances are, I will not come back to finish (mostly because I don't like reading, even though I end up doing a lot of it, but also partly because it isn't that engaging- but this isn't my kind of thing, I know some that would love to come back and read this for themselves.)

[lipov26]

Art was pretty interesting, not the top quality but had something that had me hooked to the game (No, I don't mean boobs, you perv).
The story is the messy part. It was very slow at the beggining, at the middle began to make me think about it. Aaaaaand then there comes part, when you slap me with It-was-all-a-dream cliche. So we get to the ending that confuses even more. I guess it was supposed to be misterious, but dude. I just don't know what happened:
-Is this another dream?
-Is this all real and it's some kind of magic?
-Is she mentally unstable?
These kinds of endings always kinda messed up the story for me.

So here it is, i give you 4 because visual side of production pleased me and story, even tho it didn't hit my personal taste, was pretty good.