Apart from the few unrealistic movements (as you mentioned yourself) like when the girl walks to and from the storeroom, I see no shortcomings. In fact I think you're very near utter perfection.
The intro with the tittle, in that well chosen font, elegantly sliding with the background behind it has such a nice feel.
The piano music is very fitting. It adds that last piece of the puzzle to the canvas, bringing your piece of art to it's complete and ideal form.
In conclusion I find this a magnificent submission that I'm sure will make it to the front page.