Kinda funny, a little childish, short, and simple. Shows the potential of some real talent here. A littel more work, some music in the background and it would be even better.
Remember this, music and sound effects can make or break a scene. Even ambient white noise is better than nothing at all. It gives the brain something to hear and satisfies a primal instinct in the mind. While your dialouge was amusing, having some sound effects or music in the background would make this even better.
Music is to movies as air is to breathing.