Funny and well animated
Funny, well animated and the voices are great. The only problem I had with this cartoon is the music. It works for opening and closing credits, but as the background music it just didn't feel right. Other than that, great stuff. Keep em coming :)
Good
The script was funny and the animation was solid. My only minor gripe was the voice acting. Not that it was bad, far from it, but it lacked a certain passion which would have made the jokes funnier.
Perhaps it just needed to be better projected, but I felt that every characters emotions should have been amplified. At the very least, the reactions should have felt like they were actually there, instead of sounding as if their lines were premeditated.
As I say, this is a minor issue, and the only reason I point it out is that more commited voice acting would have risen the animation from good to great.
Looking forward to more from you.
Yeah, you're probably right. It's harder to get specific character personalities into such a tightly packed space of so much going on. I'll definitely be working to improve on that in the future.
lacking in some ways,spectacular in all the others
The work you put in it paid off extremely well. The graphics are simply perfect. Good way to animate, good way to draw, good way to present(nice SFX and both menu's are nice too), etc.
What was missing however is an awesome script.
You had good parts like the mechanics, you kept yourself to the "not joke on the same thing more than three time or the audience will get bored" rule which is important for a comedy writer and the third time was good too.
But you started to fail towards the end.
There were two things before that; the red suit(really dry and bad joke) and the fact that we do not feel negative emotions towards fernando while the captain says he hates him. You have to make fernando something we do not like, like an idiot(just look at the minions in Mastermind) or handsome ego guy.
The biggest mistake however was the end. You just ran dry and made the end a drag. The end should be a climax, a punchline. Instead the last couple of scenes were a drag(not funny enough) and the ending, even though you patched it with the coffee joke, sucked(sorry to say so).
Most stories do not have a happy ending because everybody loves a cliché
, they have them because bad endings are negative
and audiences love very witty turn arounds. Just think of cool turn around endings in films you like.
And in films that do end bad, there's some scene after the end that makes it all up. Your coffee joke wasn't funny enough to do that.
It's a nice cartoon, you could impress girls with it. But you have potential to do better, to achieve a greater amount of awesomeness.
Make your next one a master piece, without flaws, just like other masterpieces like Bambee by El-Cid.
Just take into accounts the small yet spoiling mistakes you made here
and succeed in achieving epic funny perfection in the next one.
Write an awesome script for the next one as you draw it as comic, and perfect it into pure awesomeness.
And then... you'll not impress girls, you'll f*cking amaze them.
Well, I appreciate the honest review and all the suggestions, and I'm happy you enjoyed the animation at least. I'm a still a bit inclined to disagree, though, not just for ego's sake, but because most of the things mentioned were entirely intentional decisions that I felt fit a goofy comedy sketch rather well. I personally find deviation from norms refreshing, especially with the endings. As an example of the depressing ending that stays depressing to the last minute, I offer one of my favorite comedy short films, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog."
Agree with TarileFreak
Most of Newgrounds is 14-17 year old kids, so you can't go by them when they say "this was hilarious!! so funny". Your animation was good, but TarileFreak hit the nail on the head with a lot of things that could use some work. There were a lot of poorly written jokes, that while you may say fits the goofy style of humor you were going for, they come across more as lazy, with no real sense of purpose. (red suit joke). The trick to writing a good comedy is sitting down and writing out a script or screen play before animating. This way, even if the animation is bad, the writing and story is still solid. Fortunately, you did have pretty good animtion. Voice acting could use a lot of work (next time go on a forum and ask for multiple people to do voices for multiple characters. "hey guys, i need a really good black-guy voice for a character I'm writing up in a new animation I'm working on!").
All in all, not bad, but could use work. Keep at it though!!!
What's with ragging on the Star Trek reference? I think a brief red-shirt mention is perfectly acceptable in a sci-fi short. I rewrote this thing multiple times as always, I think I varied my voice quite well for the ones I did, and the "black-guy voice" WAS done by someone else who's quite a talented and Newgrounds-renowned voice actor. If you didn't find the short funny, that's perfectly fine. Everyone's tastes are different, and I'm honestly pleasantly surprised so many people do enjoy it. But every part of the story was exactly as it was meant to be and was worked on vigorously, and I'd appreciate it if it was not chalked up to laziness because your preferences differ from my style.
very funny liked the humor ending wasnt great tho