Excellent first attempt.
I know, I know FL Studio likes to cut off notes at beginning of each note. I made the switch the Reason 3.0 from FL Studio because it handles that kind of velocity-sensitive track much nicer.
Still excellent work, I can identify that aside from physical talent, you have a brilliant set of musical ears. I hope you practise music as a career, as I am planning next year. The best luck to both of us.
nightvision